Meh Thoughts: Dark Shower Thoughts & One-Liners

I’m NOT a nerd. It was merely a mental slip when my girlfriend

I’m NOT a nerd. It was merely a mental slip when my girlfriend said the word “dildo” and I thought she was talking about that dude in “The Hobbit.”

Has your grocery list ever seemed Freudian or inappropriate? Mine reads: “relish sausage spread buns.”

I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band! But yes, I agree, it wasn’t the best choice for the elementary school chorus.

When the only tool you have is a penis, everything starts to look like a vagina.

I’m a pad gal, myself. Tampons are for pussies.

Grandpa nods his head, peering into the kitchen with a confident smile: “See your grandma over there, kid? Yeah, I fucked her.”

What do you get when you cremate a femboy/tomboy?

Trans fat.

My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy the Stripper for Halloween, he refused to eat me.

Do you have to have any special training to be a garbage man, or do you just pick it up along the way?

I compared how I walked down the street drunk vs sober.
The difference was staggering.