I was relieved when my co-worker told me my fly was open so I could quickly zip up. I only wish she had warned me about my protruding, twitching member beforehand, too.
Meh Thoughts
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Oh, look, it’s a little Bill Clinton head!
Oh, look, it’s a little Bill Clinton head! Smells like cheeseburger! Ah, Teddy Roosevelt. The Square Deal tastes like cherry, I guess. And JFK! How in the world do they get that detail in a little piece of candy? Man, these Prez dispensers are great!
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I often wish I had a time machine, if for no other reason than to go back to the
I often wish I had a time machine, if for no other reason than to go back to the invention of the automatic hand-dryer and lay claim to being the first one to scuff the label to read “Push Butt.”
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Man, did I ever screw up with my Craigslist ad. My adventurous
Man, did I ever screw up with my Craigslist ad. My adventurous girlfriend asked me to organize a gangbang for her; now how the hell do I get all these Crips and Bloods out of my apartment?
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Three Tons of Hair Stolen from Wig Factory
Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.
Police are combing the area.
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Safety in Numb Bears
Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.
Because there’s safety in numb bears.
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There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right
There’s probably no clearer sign that you made the right decision to meet with your doctor about your sex addiction than your masturbating to the breast-self-exam pamphlet in the waiting room.
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Of course, when the Jell-O hits the fan, everybody wants to take credit for it.
Of course, when the Jell-O hits the fan, everybody wants to take credit for it.
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Actually, if he ONLY had a brain, would the scarecrow really be any better off?
Actually, if he ONLY had a brain, would the scarecrow really be any better off?
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Attention, working men!
Attention, working men! The national research project to determine whether work gloves will fly out of the open bed of a moving pickup truck has now concluded. Please resume storing your gloves in the cab of your truck when driving, and thank you for your participation in this important and valuable study.
