you’re the only female. But it might be a bitch to get those blue cumstains off of my dress.
Meh Thoughts
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In an impulse of passion, I said to her, “Give me your lips, right this moment!”
In an impulse of passion, I said to her, “Give me your lips, right this moment!” But when she removed them and threw them to me, it occurred to me that dating Miss Potato Head would require some adjustments.
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You’re Next
Old people at weddings always poke me and say, “You’re next.”
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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I was in such a hurry when I left the beach that I didn’t bother changing before racing
I was in such a hurry when I left the beach that I didn’t bother changing before racing home. Wouldn’t you know it: I got pulled over and given a Speedo ticket.
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Post-Intimacy: A Robot’s Nuts and Bolts!
What does a robot do after sex?
Nuts and Bolts. -
Some days I just want to treat other people like they are bad guys in a video game.
Some days I just want to treat other people like they are bad guys in a video game. Sorry I exploded your head, slow walking asshole.
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I don’t even like to bargain or haggle, but one of my favorite
I don’t even like to bargain or haggle, but one of my favorite words in the English language is still “dicker.”
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I cried because I had no penis, until I met a woman who had no
I cried because I had no penis, until I met a woman who had no vagina. And we lived happily ever after in her Malibu Dream House.
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I was never a great athlete, but I do hold one record: I was hit by a pitch 39 times in
I was never a great athlete, but I do hold one record: I was hit by a pitch 39 times in a single season. It was 30 years ago, but it still stands as the T-ball record.
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One reason I like Halloween so much is that I really get off on the genuinely horrified
One reason I like Halloween so much is that I really get off on the genuinely horrified reaction from kids with my “sawing off my forearm with an electric carving knife” shtick — at least until I pass out from the voluminous loss of blood and all.
