I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up doing a power puke into the garbage can next to the podium. I was later reprimanded by my boss, who told me a real woman would have swallowed.
Meh Thoughts
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Dark Humor: The Baby Float Recipe!
How do you make a dead baby float?
One can of root beer, one scoop of vanilla, and two scoops of dead baby.
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I always felt those Farm Aid concerts were an awesome idea because I know first-hand how
I always felt those Farm Aid concerts were an awesome idea because I know first-hand how tough it is being a small farmer these days — especially when the DEA keeps burning your crop before you can harvest.
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I’ve Invented a New Game Called Silent Tennis
I’ve invented a new game called Silent Tennis.
It’s like regular tennis, but without the racquet.
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Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. And frankly, the money to be had by blackmailing the agriculture and tourism industries outweighs my gut-level revulsion at having a weather-controlling freakazoid girlfriend.
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It means a lot to you
To all my Spanish-speaking friends out there, I just want to say “mucho”…
…because I know it means a lot to you. -
My Cat: The Feline Communist
I think my cat is a communist.
All he talks about is “Mao, Mao, Mao.”
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Shoe: The Sneezing Leather Delight!
What’s leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe. -
hilarious submissions, so here we go… * * * *** * * * * * *
hilarious submissions, so here we go… * * * *** * * * * * * Did you catch that? I just farted in Braille!
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I’ll bet the fun of overhearing a voice in your hotel’s hallway
I’ll bet the fun of overhearing a voice in your hotel’s hallway say, “I’m gonna get DEEP into your ass tonight, baby!” would fade pretty quickly if you then hear your own door click open.
