This nanosecond is the first nanosecond of the rest of… Damn! I *still* can’t say it fast enough!
Meh Thoughts
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Some stupid women pay a small fortune to get their lips puffed up by cosmetic surgeons.
Some stupid women pay a small fortune to get their lips puffed up by cosmetic surgeons. I’ve found you can get the same effect for free just by using a few well-chosen racial slurs on the subway at rush hour.
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A money belt is a great way to keep your valuables safe from muggers.
A money belt is a great way to keep your valuables safe from muggers. If you own any antique furniture, you might want to get an extra-large money belt with built-in back support.
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I have to admit, I felt kind of ripped off when I couldn’t see any scrub brush- bottomed
I have to admit, I felt kind of ripped off when I couldn’t see any scrub brush- bottomed bubble dudes spraying out of the bathroom cleaner can. Guess I need to huff it a little deeper next time.
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Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but it turns out that a
Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but it turns out that a $50 gift card toward a vajazzling ensemble does not a good anniversary present make.
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Wait, is it 50 Shades of GRAY or GREY?
Wait, is it 50 Shades of GRAY or GREY? Answer quickly, she’s suffocating.
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Up to My Chin Should Do It
A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, “Try a milk bath.”
So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guy asks, “You want that pasteurized?”
“Nah,” the man replies. “Up to my chin should do it.”
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Why do they call them potholes, man? You can’t blame bud for
Why do they call them potholes, man? You can’t blame bud for that shit. *massive bong rip*
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They Prefer to Eat Out
Why don’t lesbians ever get their pizza delivered? They prefer to eat out.
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Someone at work stole my potato salad.
Someone at work stole my potato salad. That’s okay, though — it’s not like I was really going to eat it after I forgot and left it the car for the last couple of days.
