I awoke and saw a host of winged angels before me. At first I was afraid and thought, “Is this is the end?” But I wanted to go with them, for they were truly beautiful to behold. And then I realized I’d fallen asleep with the TV on and had woken up during a Victoria’s Secret commercial.
Meh Thoughts
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Count Chocula, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire
Breaking News!
Count Chocula, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire.
S’more at 11.
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Call me a sappy old romantic if you will, but it seems that every time I have a cast
Call me a sappy old romantic if you will, but it seems that every time I have a cast iron frying pan in my hand I have an overwhelming urge to clobber some man over the head with it.
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Knock, Knock: A Doctor’s Thoughtful Touch
I like how my new doctor knocks before he enters the exam room when I’m in there.
Because of his thoughtfulness, I may never get caught boosting drug samples and hypodermic needles again.
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Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball
What’s the difference between a golf ball and a Land Rover?
Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball over 300 yards.
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In heaven, the guys’ dicks never pop out and the pussies never
In heaven, the guys’ dicks never pop out and the pussies never fart. It’s awesome.
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They call it a smoothie but it’s got chunks in it. This is bullshit
They call it a smoothie but it’s got chunks in it. This is bullshit!
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Embracing the Average: A Surprising Truth
Half of the people you know are below average.
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I was fine trying a reverse cowgirl for my man, but I still
I was fine trying a reverse cowgirl for my man, but I still think it was overkill when he branded my ass.
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Firing My Slingshot at Target
The mall security dude arrested me for firing my slingshot at Target. Come on, they were asking for it!
