My cousin was going on and on about how an onion is the only food that can make you cry without eating it. So I hit him in the face with a coconut.
Meh Thoughts
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When my manager said I can be really irritating
Turns out when my manager said that “You can be really irritating at work sometimes” that wasn’t them giving me permission…..
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Music without lyrics
I don’t enjoy music without lyrics. It just doesn’t speak to me.
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I asked a friend about potassium-rich fruit
I asked a friend, “Did you know that there’s a fruit that gives you your entire potassium requirement for the day?”
He said: “Yeah, that’s bananas.”
I responded: “I know. I was shocked too.” -
Dog Ate a Bag of Scrabble Tiles
My dog ate an entire bag of scrabble tiles, so I had to take him to the vet.
No word yet.
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Date Who Drills Holes
My date told me she spends all her free time drilling holes.
I said, “Well… that’s boring.”
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The Donkey With a Low IQ
Did you hear the one about the donkey with a low IQ? Nevermind, it’s a stupid-ass joke.
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Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick — A Perfect Match
Did you hear about the two gay Irish men? They are a perfect match.
Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.
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Hemorrhoids vs Asteroids
The fact that “hemorrhoids” aren’t called “asteroids” is a major missed opportunity for science, health, and the English language.
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Boomerang Return Policy
Don’t be afraid to buy a boomerang online.
They have 100% return policy.
