Meh Thoughts

  • Injured playing peekaboo

    Last week, I was injured pretty badly playing a game of peekaboo. They had to put me in the ICU.

  • A friend named his dog 5 miles

    A friend of mine named his dog “5 miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles.

    But today he ran over 5 miles.

  • Doctors Orders Mean Burger King

    My doctor just told me that I need to start eating at Burger King.

    Well, he really said that I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he means.

  • Global Warming Icebreaker

    If you are meeting a new group of people and don’t know what to talk about, try mentioning Global Warming.

    It’s a huge Icebreaker.

  • Shortening Robert to Dick

    My friend hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Robert.

  • Vasectomy Consultation Compliment

    The doctor walked in for my vasectomy consultation and said, “Now THIS is what I call a beautiful penis!”

    Then he zipped up his pants and asked me to undress for the exam.

  • TGIF Shoes

    Why did the blonde write TGIF on the insides of all of her shoes?

    As a reminder: Toes go in first.

  • Camouflage Trousers

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

  • Stumped

    I’ve been trying to come up with a good tree joke, but I’m stumped.

  • Dry Erase Boards

    Dry erase boards were a remarkable invention.

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