BEWARE OF DOUG
ACME SALES CO.
Tone: absurd
Absurd jokes, weird logic, surreal memes, and nonsense that somehow files taxes from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Definitely
A teacher walks up to the blackboard and writes DEFINITELY.
She turns to the class and says, “Today we’ll be looking at the word ‘definitely.’ Definitely is when something is assured and there is no chance of doubt. Now, I want some volunteers to use definitely in a statement.”
Little Suzy raises her hand and says, “I am definitely going to the park after school today.”
“No, I would think there’s a good chance you’ll go to the park, but it might rain, so it’s not definitely.”
Little Billy raises his hand and says, “My team is definitely going to win the game this Saturday.”
“No, I know you really want your team to win the game this Saturday, but wanting is not enough to make it definitely.”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Miss, is there such a thing as a lumpy fart?”
“No.”
“Then I definitely just shat myself.”
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Ghost From 2007
How comes when a house is ‘haunted’ it’s always a ghost from the 1700s? Imagine a ghost from 2007 screaming “ITS BRITNEY BITCH” at 3am
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Same Dad Hotwheels
Im horny
yo hold up
is that a 2002 Ferrari F355 Spider hotwheels on your nght?
my dad used to have one hanging in the rearview mirror, one night he got in to ar accident and the airbag impaled it into his face
no shit retard we have the same dad
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The Man on the Island
A cruise ship sails past a small island in the ocean, where a bearded man is shouting something while frantically waving his arms.
“Who is that?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I have no idea. Every year, when we pass by here, he goes crazy in exactly the same way.”
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Dinosaurs Don’t Make Good Pets
Why don’t dinosaurs make good pets?
Because they’re dead.
