Tone: dark humor

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Just one nail

    What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
    You can hang the picture with just one nail.

  • Gorilla’s Night Out: A Barroom Surprise!

    A guy walks into a bar…

    He orders a drink and then notices there’s a huge silverback gorilla chained up at the end of the bar, just sitting there and staring at the bartender. Confused, the guy surveys his surroundings, but everyone at the bar is just chatting away and acting normal.

    He nervously downs his drink and orders another. After finishing his second drink, he summons the courage to ask about the gorilla.

    The bartender says, “Watch this.”

    Then the bartender grabs a 2×4 from under the bar and whacks the gorilla over the head with all his might. The gorilla drops to its knees, unzips the bartender’s fly, and starts sucking his dick.

    The bartender turns to the guy and says, “This is awesome. You gotta try it.”

    The guy says, “Sure, but you don’t have to hit me so hard.”

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  • An arm and a leg

    If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, try swimming with sharks.
    It can cost you an arm and a leg.

  • It was a good trade

    I got a refrigerator for my wife today.
    It was a good trade.

  • Farting in the Fast Lane!

    A woman walks into a car dealership to browse around, not really planning to buy anything. In the showroom, she sees a beautiful convertible with a leather interior. She reaches down to touch the seat and accidentally lets a fart go.

    To her terror, she looks up and sees a salesman heading her way. Hoping he didn’t hear her, she plays it cool and says, “Excuse me, how much is this car? I’m thinking of purchasing it for my husband.”

    The salesman says, “Lady, if you farted from touching the leather, you’re gonna shit when you hear the price.”

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  • Hold the Ladder: Last Words of Wisdom

    I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me before he died:
    “Are you still holding the ladder?”

  • Grief Lessons: Good Counsel, No Tears

    My grief councillor died last week.

    Luckily for me, though, he was very good at his job, because I really don’t give a shit.

  • Stolen Antidepressants: Find Joy in My Pain

    To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy.

  • Polish Women: Monthly Challenges and GED Tests

    What’s long, hard and given to most Polish Women at Least once a month?

    A GED Test

  • Handshakes: Cannibals’ Party Starter!

    What do cannibals serve at the start of a party?
    Handshakes.