Humor Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

HIV from a toilet

Did you hear about the guy who somehow got HIV from a toilet?
He sat down before the other guy got up.

Why do women love Jesus?

Because he was (spreads arms) hung like this.

What did Alice Cooper say when he quit his job at Taco Bell?

No more Mr rice guy…
No more Mr beans and cheeheeheese

Why would you invite two Mormons to go fishing?

Because if you only invite one, they’ll drink all your beer.

I like how my new doctor knocks before he enters the exam room when I’m in there.

Because of his thoughtfulness, I may never get caught boosting drug samples and hypodermic needles again.

I wanted to start off the new year with a bang, but the wife said she had a headache.

My doctor told me bananas were good for the prostate.

I wish he had also told me I needed to eat them.

Did you know that wolves can jump higher than an average 1 story house?

Absolutely true, but mostly because houses can’t jump very high.

She told me, “This is the biggest dick I’ve ever come across.”

I said, “No, you are just pulling my leg.”