Carrots are good for your memory.
Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.
Tone: irreverent
Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I’m Telling EVERYBODY!
A man walks into a confessional.
“Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I am 75 years old, and I’ve recently started dating a 25-year-old woman. She’s drop dead gorgeous, loves sex, and is unbelievable in bed. We have sex at least three or four times a day, and each time, I make her scream like a banshee.”
“Oh my! This is indeed a sin. As penance, you must say five Hail Marys and five Our Fathers every day for the next week.”
“What? I can’t do that, I’m Jewish!”
“You’re Jewish? Then why are you telling ME?”
“I’m telling EVERYBODY!”
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A Blonde Doing a Handstand
What do you call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette with bad breath!
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Jesus Lepers TV
My favorite Bible story is probably the one where Jesus tells the lepers to get used to the idea that a lot of them are going to die, and then he goes on TV to brag about what a great job he’s doing.
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Swedish Massage With a Twist
A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.
A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.
“You wanna wank?”, she asked.
“You bet,” came the excited reply.
“O.K.,” she said, “I come back in ten minutes.”
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Deli Salami: No Slicing Required
A fag walks into a corner deli, takes a number, and waits his turn. Soon, his turn comes up, and the deli boy asks, “Well, what will it be today, sir?”
To this, the fag replies, “I’ll have a half pound of roast beef, a pound of your swiss cheese, and I’ll take that nice long salami you’ve got hanging by the window.”
After slicing the swiss cheese and the beef, the deli boy then asks him, “Sir, would you like me to slice the salami as well?”
To this the fag replies, “Slice the salami?! What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?”
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Selfish Husband Turns Pleasure Condom Inside Out
My wife suggested that we use a new type of condom. It had ridges and bumps and feathers on the side and a shape like a chicken head on the top.
I asked what it was and she explained that it was “especially designed to provide the maximum pleasure for woman”.
I was having none of this and put it on inside out. Why should she get all the fun?
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Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem
Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.
In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.
“Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”
The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.
“Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”
