rob elliott @rockymomax
The amount of cookies I’ve watched the Cookie Monster waste with his bullshit chewing makes me sick
Tone: irreverent
Irreverent humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Your Son Is an Artist!
A man goes to school to have a meeting with his son’s teachers. He walks into the first classroom and says, “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse me if I sound a bit strange, but I burned my tongue yesterday.”
The teacher sighs and says, “Look, we really needed to talk to you. Your son is struggling. He doesn’t know his times tables, he doesn’t know the American states… he doesn’t even know which state he’s in right now! You really need to have a talk with him.”
“I’m so sorry,” the father replies. “I’ll speak with him tonight. But again, please forgive my speech; I really scorched my tongue.”
He then moves on to the art teacher’s office. “Hello, I’m Giotto’s father. Please excuse my voice, I burned my tongue yesterday.”
The art teacher beams. “Oh, don’t worry about that! I have to tell you, your son is a prodigy. He’s incredible! Just yesterday, he drew a basket of fruit so realistically that all the other children gathered around trying to pick a piece to eat!”
The father nods and says, “I know, I know… yesterday he drew a vagina on the stove.”
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The Genie’s Wish
A father, mother and child are sitting down to dinner. The boy sees a strange-looking lamp in the middle of the table. He reaches over and rubs the side of it playfully.
A genie appears suddenly. The boy asks, “Are you a genie like in Aladdin?”
“I can grant each of you one wish. You can choose one thing and you will have a lifetime supply. You just go to where that thing is, show me, and voilà! It’s yours for life.”
The mom runs to the car excited and says, “I want a lifetime supply of wine!” The boy screams, “I want a lifetime supply of candy!” The mom then realizes the dad is pulling out in their other car. The mom yells, “Where are you going?”
The dad yells back, “The strip club!”
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That, Gentlemen, Is Courage
A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors.
The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”
He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”
The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes.
The Russian says, “That, gentlemen, is courage.”
The American says, “That’s nothing.”
He calls over a PO and says, “I want you to jump off the bow. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return.”
The PO salutes, jumps off the bow, swims to the stern, and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes.
The American says, “That, gentlemen, is courage.”
The British admiral says, “That’s nothing. Sailor, come here.”
The matelot comes to attention and salutes.
The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam, then climb up the mast and do it again.”
The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off, sir!”
The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that, gentlemen, is courage.”
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Could You Vape Semen
r/morbidquestions u/thatcatinthecorner 14h
Could you vape semen?
If it was watered down to the approximate thickness of fluid, could you vape semen?
192 60 Share
BEST COMMENTS
DrDank7 12h
Great now you’re making vaping even more gay
445
1simis 9h
It’s a double negative though so it cancels out
115
What_R_YOU_Doin_Here 6h
I don’t think that’s how this works. If you are giving a bj and taking it in the ass at the same time, does that make you straight?
18
WillBeamon 6h
Obviously
33
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Holy Spirit Strangling Hookers
“Wooooo… I am the Holy Spirit! What you are doing is a SIN!”
“Nonsense—masturbation is healthy and natural.”
“No, I meant strangling hookers.”
“Oh, right. Tbat.”
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Just Take the Fucking Picture Hillary
It’s hip hop… You wouldn’t get it… Just take the fucking picture Hillary
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Cindy the Witch
A guy goes to a whorehouse, feeling extremely horny. He’s willing to pay big money. The madame realizes that all her girls are currently occupied, but she doesn’t want to lose out on the cash. So she gets an idea.
She puts a blow-up doll in a darkened room. Then she goes back to the guy and says, “You can have Cindy. She’s very shy and doesn’t speak or react, and she likes to do it with the lights off. But you can do anything you want with her, she won’t complain.”
The guy pays his money and goes up to the room.
Ten minutes later he runs back down, naked, screaming, “Cindy’s a witch! Cindy’s a witch!”
“What’s wrong?” asks the madame.
“Well, you told me I could do what I like with Cindy, so I thought I’d try some rough stuff!”
“What happened?”
“I bit her tit and she flew out the window!”
