Tone: light-hearted

Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A Penny for Your Thoughts

    One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.

    “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.

    “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!”

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  • 4 Better 4 Worse 4 Richer 4 Poorer

    A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”

    “Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly.

    “How do you know that?”

    “Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

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  • More Fun to Stand Up and Yell

    After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up.”

    “That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?”

    “Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.”

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  • She Ate All the Bait

    A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.

    “I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!”

    “Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said.

    The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait.”

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  • Pretend Im Not Home

    My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice.

    Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, “What should I feed Lily for lunch?”

    “That’s up to you,” I replied. “There’s all kinds of food. Why don’t you pretend I’m not at home?”

    A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, “Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh… what should I feed Lily for lunch?”

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  • See Mom Its Just Gas

    Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when you start getting frustrated.

    My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training, and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

    While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said no. I kept thinking, oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn’t have any clothes with me.

    Then I said, “Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?” I just knew that he must have had an accident, cause the smell was getting worse. SOOO, I asked one more time, “MATT DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT?”

    This time with a little smirk on his face he jumped up and yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, “SEE MOM IT’S JUST GAS!!!!”

    While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified, but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had.

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  • Thanks for the Lift

    A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

    As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men’s toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn’t reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one. As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed for an elementary school child.

    “I guess you must be in the fifth,” she said.

    “No ma’am,” he replied, “I’m in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow.”

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  • What Do You Think

    A salesman rang the bell at a suburban home, and the door was opened by a nine-year-old boy puffing on a long black cigar. Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, “Is your mother or father at home?”

    The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, “What do you think?”

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  • My Husbands Home

    Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

    The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”

    Bill beamed with pride, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work… Suzie was so thrilled to have me around, that every time a mail or delivery person came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

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  • So Fragrantly

    A local store was giving away free samples of perfume, limited to one per customer.

    I went in with my brother, who decided that if he sprayed the entire sample on himself in the store, then he was entitled to take another as he hadn’t technically left the store with the first. He repeated this seven or eight times until he reeked of roses.

    Somehow, he seemed not to find anything wrong with this behaviour. I, however, was appalled. I couldn’t believe my own brother would abuse the rules so fragrantly.

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