The day after marijuana is legalized in the South.
Tone: light-hearted
Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Firefighter McBurney
There’s no such thing as a perfect name for a firefigh…..
Lieutenant Les McBurney Sun Prairie Fire Department
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Put Johnnie in the Fifth Grade
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Johnnie what is your problem?” Johnnie answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”
The teacher had had enough. She took Johnnie to the principal’s office. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Johnnie was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Johnnie: “9.”Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Johnnie: “36.”And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, “I think Johnnie can go to the third grade, just as he thought.”
The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions, and I’m sure you will see the reasons I am hesitant about Johnnie’s advancement!” The principal and Johnnie both agreed.
The teacher asked, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Johnnie, after a moment, replied, “Legs.”
Teacher: “Ok, you got that right, but I know I’ll get you. What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnnie replied, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Johnnie: “Pants”Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
Johnnie: “Firetruck”Little Johnnie had been studying, and he’d not fall for any of her tricks… nothing would hold him back if he could help it!
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Johnnie in the FIFTH grade. I missed the last four questions myself!”
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Riveting
So, what do you do for work?
I drill holes in sheets of metal.
Then I use metal pins to connect said sheets of metal.
Riveting…
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Are You Going to Tell Her Daddy
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper.
His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, “That’s it! No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, “No butter for you for one month!”
Early that evening, Johnny’s mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead.
Johnny’s mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnny said, “Are you going to tell her, daddy, or do you want me to?”
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Waist Of Time
I ONCE TIED ALL MY WATCHES TOGETHER TO MAKE A BELT
THEN REALIZED IT WAS A WAIST OF TIME
made on imgur
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Tooth Fairy Wood Coins
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
Child: The Tooth Fairy left me three dollars!
Me: When I was a kid the Tooth Fairy would leave us coins.
Child: Were they made of wood?
Me:
Child:
Me: The Tooth Fairy isn’t real.
5:36 AM · 7/26/20 · Twitter for iPad
