Light Hearted Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Hold Her Steals

When you have to hold her like this at night because she steals

@whitepeoplehumor

Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix

Child: The Tooth Fairy left me three dollars!

Me: When I was a kid the Tooth Fairy would leave us coins.

Child: Were they made of wood?

Me:

Child:

Me: The Tooth Fairy isn’t real.

5:36 AM · 7/26/20 · Twitter for iPad

Tim, Joe and Steve, life long friends, were down at the local tavern having a beer celebrating Steve’s 80th birthday.

Steve grabbed his shoulder and said, “You know, I’m 80 and I can feel the aches and pains of my age.”

Tim agreed, saying he can tell rain is coming by the aches in his knees.

Joe shook his head. “Guys,” he said. “I feel like a baby.”

Tim and Steve looked at each other, puzzled.

Joey took a sip of beer and smiled. “I got no hair, no teeth and I pee my pants a lot!”

CARL, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE MOVIE CONSTIPATION?

DAD…

I SAID, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT IT, CARL

SIGH….NO

IT NEVER CAME OUT, CARL

CARL, IT NEVER CAME OUT.

I HATE YOU DAD

i’m not sick

i’m just a little hoarse

SO MUCH PUN.COM

Why are my arms so weak?

It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing.

CANADIAN GRAFFITI

YOUR MOM IS A NICE LADY

AT ITS FINEST

Email and Bacon?! This car has everything

SHOUT OUT TO THE HOTEL MAIDS

THAT HAVE TO CHANGE SHEETS FEBRUARY 15TH

WHY CAN’T A NOSE BE 12 INCHES?

BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT.