Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
lol i’d never checked out LMFAO’s full discography before
Party Rock (2009)
Sorry for Party Rocking (2011)
We Were Going Through Some Stuff (2012)
Mistakes Were Made (2014)
We Are Always Growing and Learning (2015)
We Will Strive To Do Better In Future (2017)
Some people teach their dogs to fetch and sit.
Bill Belichick teaches his dog to draft defensive backs from obscure Division II schools in the second round.
A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, “Me and Janie is getting married.”
“Oh?” says the mother. “And how old is Janie?”
“Five,” replies the boy.
“And where will you live?” asks the mother.
“Well,” says the boy, “Janie’s room is bigger than my room, so we’ll live in her room.”
“How about expenses?” asks the father. “What are you going to do for money?”
“I get a dollar a week in allowance,” says the lad, “and Janie gets seventy five cents. If we put them together we’ll be okay.”
“I see,” says the father. “But what are you going to do if you have children?”
“Well,” says the boy, “we’ve been lucky so far.”
I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend’s wife came out to feed them.
The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I stood there thinking to myself, “Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry.”
One of the perks of being a Pig Latin poet is that it’s pretty easy to come up with rhymes.
One night, a four-year old heard some strange noises in his parent’s bedroom, so he gets out of bed to check it out. He enters their room and sees his father on top of his mother.
Pretty confused, he asks them what they were doing. Reckoning there was not a good time for the “flowers and the bees” story, Dad says “Ur, we’re, like, making a little brother for you”.
The kid gets very upset and leaves the room sobbing “I don’t wanna little brooootheeer!”
Next night, same thing, just that Mom was on top of Dad. “What now?”, wants the boy to know. Embarrassed, mom says they were making a little sister for him.
“I don’t want no little siiiisteeeeer”, whimpers the kid, while returning to his bed.
Third night he had the same sleeping problem. This time, in parent’s bed, the father was behind the mother, so he just slaps the door very angry, crying “I don’t want a doooog!”
Instructor: Welcome to salsa class! Who’s ready to learn how to dance?
Me, hiding a bag of tortilla chips: There’s been a misunderstanding.
After five years on the wagon, my friend Natasha started hitting the bottle again. I just have to remember that it’s a sickness, not a weakness, to be addicted to artificially blonde hair.
