What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
Tone: light-hearted
Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Safety in Numb Bears
Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.
Because there’s safety in numb bears.
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Roland the Farter
Imagine farting so good that the King gives you a 30 acre estate.
Imagine someone farting so good, that you’re reading about them right now, 900 years later.
Roland the Farter – a medieval flatulist who lived in twelfth-century England. Given Hemingstone manor in Suffolk and 12 hectares (30 acres) of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform “Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum” (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) for the King’s court at Christmas.
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Closer To Millionaire Than Bill Gates
r/Showerthoughts
You are probably closer to being a millionaire than Bill Gates.
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Top 10 Signs You Just Bought a Lemon of a Car
10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty garbage bags.
9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
7. The rear-view mirror says, “Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk.”
6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you’re taking.
4. The sticker on the windshield says, “Batteries Not Included.”
3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
2. You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
1. When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
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Poop Deck Confusion Lands Lifetime Cruise Ban
I haven’t been allowed back on a cruise ship ever since that whole ‘poop deck’ misunderstanding.
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Wife’s Accidental Car Meeting Goes Wrong
Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”
“How did you meet this fellow?” He asked, very concerned.
She said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”
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Hilarious Driving Test Pranks to Fail Spectacularly
Have Fun While Taking a Driving Test
1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “Buckle up!”
3. Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.
4. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of plastic wrap down so he doesn’t dirty the seat.
5. When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.
6. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say “Oops.”
7. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, “Now which one is the gas again?”
8. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
9. Fill your car with beer bottles.
10. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
11. Tell the registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
12. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
13. Swear at everybody on the road.
14. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.
15. Beep your horn at everything.
16. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.
Warning: If you wish to pass the test, refrain from doing more than two of these, and be sure to grin widely at the end.
