Tone: light-hearted

Light-hearted humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Three Prisoners Make Animal Sounds

    Three men escape from prison. The first tells the others that the security will soon be looking for them.

    So, he suggests that each one of them climb a tree, and when the guards come, to make animal sounds and hopefully they will move on. All agree, and they all climb into different trees and try to hide.

    A while later, security guards arrive and began searching. They thought they saw something in the first man’s tree, so they shine their flashlight into the branches and say “Anyone UP there?” “Tweet, Tweet” comes from the tree, so one of the guards says “Oh, it’s only a bird!, move on.” The guards then look into another tree and says “Anyone UP there?” and the second man replies

    “Whhoo, Whhoo”. “Ah! It’s only an owl!, lets go!” The guards proceed to look at the next tree, and ask “I wonder if one of the prisoners are up there?”

    Shining the flashlight, they listened intently…

    “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

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  • More Guys Named Moe

    If Larry had been a wackier and more influential stooge, I suspect I’d know more guys named Moe.

  • Deer Dragging Direction Makes All The Difference

    Two goober hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

    “Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”

    After the third hunter left, the two goobers decided to try it.

    A little while later one said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!”

    “Yeah,” the other added, “but we’re getting farther away from the truck….”

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  • Wife Interrupts Husband’s Porn Search for Curtains

    A husband, his wife asleep, goes to the computer in the living room, opens the browser and starts looking through some porn pics.

    He’s looking, looking, suddenly he hears behind him:

    “Wait wait wait! Scroll up! Again! One more!.. Yes! These are the curtains I want for the kitchen!”

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  • Sofishticated

    What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

    Sofishticated.

  • Safety in Numb Bears

    Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.

    Because there’s safety in numb bears.

  • Roland the Farter

    Roland the Farter

    Imagine farting so good that the King gives you a 30 acre estate.

    Imagine someone farting so good, that you’re reading about them right now, 900 years later.

    Roland the Farter – a medieval flatulist who lived in twelfth-century England. Given Hemingstone manor in Suffolk and 12 hectares (30 acres) of land in return for his services as a jester for King Henry II. Each year he was obliged to perform “Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum” (one jump, one whistle, and one fart) for the King’s court at Christmas.

  • Closer To Millionaire Than Bill Gates

    Closer To Millionaire Than Bill Gates

    r/Showerthoughts

    You are probably closer to being a millionaire than Bill Gates.

  • Shark Stepping On Lego

    Shark Stepping On Lego

    Rare photo of a shark stepping on a Lego.

  • Just This WAP

    Just This WAP

    “Are you carrying any liquids?”

    “Just this WAP”