Her: I didn’t find any hair in your car
Me: Okay .. so?
Her: Soo who’s the bald woman?
Tone: Sarcastic
Sarcastic jokes, dry insults, eye-roll energy, and punchlines that need a workplace warning from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Only White Men Can Handle This
sorry black boys, only white men can handle this
On behalf of black men everywhere we whole heartedly support your decision
On behalf of all white people, we sincerely admire your graciousness. However, we will be declining your generous offer and adamantly urge that the Mexicans take one for the team.
On behalf of the Mexicans there is some jobs we won’t even do maybe the Asians can take this one
On behalf of the Asian culture, we also kindly decline the generous act, as we are practicing our arithmetic, playing piano, and ninja flying arts, maybe the Muslims have the answer you seek
On behalf of all Muslims, we’re gonna have to decline the offer for the simple fact we don’t eat pork
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You Ain’t That Straight
Israel Health Minister Yaakov Litzman, who previously claimed that the coronavirus was “divine punishment against homosexuality,” has tested positive for the virus.
I said, “Well, you ain’t that straight.”
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Government Can See You Through Your Webcam
worm on a string @sunsetdrive_
“the government can see you thru ur webcam” whatre they gonna do? watch me jack off and cry? woah im so scared.
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Wife on a Dating Site
Dude, you better come see this. Your wife is on a dating site
That lying bitch!
She is not “fun to be around”
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The Top 17 Tweets From President Trump
17. Winning! Winners win. And I’m a winner who wins, believe me. #ohfucknowwhatdoido
16. My huuuge hands typing this from the Oval Office! #HowYouLikeMeNowHillary
15. Nobody told me the White House was such a dump. Not a single gold toilet. Sad. #3rdWorld
14. Why do they call it the White House when the kitchen is full of Hispanics? #TrumpHouse
13. @SCOTUS You’re Fired! #TreatGovernmentLikeBusiness
12. #100days: abolish Obamacare, export all illegal immigrants, mount Paul Ryan’s balls in the Oval Office #sweetrevenge
11. @PutinRF_Eng Lincoln bedroom stocked with #Stoli; waiting for your arrival #USARUS
10. White House? Not on my watch. 2,600 gallons of gold gilt paint on the way! #Glitterpalooza #BlingHouse
9. Note to self: thank Kellyanne Conway, notify her she won’t be paid.
8. Just sold Washington Monument to China #suckers #shippingisextra
7. Got the nuclear codes, so excited: 398236. #watchoutisis #makeamericaglowagain
6. Melania looks stunning lying naked on the Oval Office’s new polar bear-skin rug, trust me. #MakingAmericaBoneAgain #Bigly
5. WTF? Canada’s Prime Minister keeps calling, saying USA needs to pay for his wall.
4. WH needs new housekeepers. @AliciaMachado, job is yours if you can drop 20 lbs!
3. Just sent my homey @Comey a thank you gift: orange jumpsuit for @Hillary. #orangeisthenewpantsuit
2. That Lincoln bedroom is SO uncomfortable. No wonder he shot himself. #HoleInTheHead #LumpyMattress
1. First official act: Lady Liberty loses the burka, shows some leg, gets bigger tits #StatueOfLame #6atBest
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Try again, Einstein
Day after day, the same guy keeps taking my favorite parking space at work, so I keep keying the sides of his car. And each morning, he shows up again with it painted a new color and with a different license plate, just to confuse me. Ha! Try again, Einstein!
