Tone: Sarcastic

Sarcastic jokes, dry insults, eye-roll energy, and punchlines that need a workplace warning from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Top 11 Celebrity Secret Santa Gifts

    11. J.J. Abrams — money silos to store all the coin Disney will throw at him to direct a future “Star Wars” movie

    10. Tom Brady — a pressure cooker

    9. Tom Brady — Federal Reserve action to prevent deflation

    8. Bernie Sanders — combo campaign/get off my lawn signs

    7. North West — witnessing a horrible crime so Witness Protection can change her name and reassign her to a nice, suburban, middle-class family from the Kansas City area

    6. Jim Gilmore — a mirror, so someone would see him

    5. Renée Zellweger — her old face back

    4. Ben Carson — a good campaign surgeon

    3. Gwyneth Paltrow — a steam cleaner

    2. Reince Priebus — balls

    1. Miss Piggy — a dry rub

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  • 4 Tips for Guys for Successful Relationships

    1. It’s really important to find a woman that you love and who loves you the same.

    2. It’s really important to find a woman that sexually excites you and that she feels the same about you.

    3. It’s really important to find a woman who will care for you and that you will care for her, in sickness and in health.

    4. It’s absolutely fucking vital that these three women do not know each other.

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  • What’s the Catch? There It Is

    What’s the Catch? There It Is

    YOU MATCHED WITH [redacted] ON 3/31/19

    You’re cute 🙂 but what’s the catch?

    Wow what a healthy attitude towards women

    There it is

  • Spotify Hackers Threaten Nickelback List

    Spotify Hackers Threaten Nickelback List

    BFF @YrfBFF

    Damn you, hackers! Is nothing sacred!?

    Spotify Hackers Threaten to Reveal Full List of Users Who Listen to Nickelback

    By Jesse McLaren August 21, 2015

    New York, NY- The stock market remains in chaos as a hacker group makes yet another threat to reveal sensitive information from music streaming service Spotify’s databases. This comes one week after the outing of a Florida Congressman as a subscriber to various Creed playlists

    PHOTO: Nickelback posing in truckstop bathroom.

  • Not an Excused Absence

    Not an Excused Absence

    ur local ugh dealer @void_daddy_

    yeah ok sure, when jesus disappears for three days then comes back, it’s ‘beautiful’ and ‘a miracle,’ but when I do it, it’s ‘alarming’ and ‘not an excused absence’

  • Beat Up a Fifth Grader

    I don’t think I’d do very well on that TV show, “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”

    But if they ever have a spin-off called, “Can You Beat Up a Fifth Grader?” I’ll bet I could score some nice consolation prizes.

  • Stress Relief

    Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.

    She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.

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  • White People Just Better at It

    White People Just Better at It

    RACISM EXISTS AMONG ALL RACES IN THE WORLD…

    WHITE PEOPLE ARE JUST BETTER AT IT, LIKE MOST THINGS.

  • Who’s the Bald Woman?

    Who’s the Bald Woman?

    Her: I didn’t find any hair in your car

    Me: Okay .. so?

    Her: Soo who’s the bald woman?

  • Only White Men Can Handle This

    Only White Men Can Handle This

    sorry black boys, only white men can handle this

    On behalf of black men everywhere we whole heartedly support your decision

    On behalf of all white people, we sincerely admire your graciousness. However, we will be declining your generous offer and adamantly urge that the Mexicans take one for the team.

    On behalf of the Mexicans there is some jobs we won’t even do maybe the Asians can take this one

    On behalf of the Asian culture, we also kindly decline the generous act, as we are practicing our arithmetic, playing piano, and ninja flying arts, maybe the Muslims have the answer you seek

    On behalf of all Muslims, we’re gonna have to decline the offer for the simple fact we don’t eat pork