People watching Tiger King "I can't believe people like this exist."
People from the panhandle and Alabama
Tone: satirical
Satirical humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Churches and Essential Services
So churches are not essential… but abortion clinics ARE essential. Got it.
Yes because abortion is healthcare, glad I could clear that up for you Liz
600,000 babies a year would disagree with you
I could easily win a debate against 600,000 babies
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New Jersey Quarantined
BREAKING NEWS
NEW JERSEY QUARANTINED
NOT BECAUSE OF CORONAVIRUS. JUST BECAUSE IT SUCKS.
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Trump and Pence Discuss Immigration
Trump: The less immigrants we let in, the better.
Pence: The fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that in public yet.
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High-Paying Professions
“MEN TEND TO CHOOSE HIGH
PAYING PROFESSIONS – LIKE
DOCTOR, ENGINEER, CEO,
ETC.,
WHILE WOMEN NATURALLY GO
TOWARD LOWER PAYING
CAREERS –
LIKE FEMALE DOCTOR, FEMALE
ENGINEER, AND FEMALE CEO.” -
Men Are Better at Everything
Just to prove men are
better at everything….
We won
‘Woman of the Year’
Men are amazing. -
The Top 13 Paris Hilton Pet Peeves
13> Those nouveau riche morons who have absolutely no sense of decorum.
12> Can never remember the name of that guy she slept with in London. If only there were some way to make a record of when that happened.
11> Olfactory flashbacks from the Arkansas season of “The Simple Life.”
10> People who ask you to sign stolen towels.
9> Thinking that uncool and/or nonrich guys might be jerking off to her video.
8> Getting a paper cut from the envelope while forwarding your $375,000 Amex bill to Dad.
7> Always had to milk the ugly cow during the first season of “The Simple Life.”
6> Jerk waiters who think they’re better than you just because they know how to read those stupid menus.
5> Andy Warhol’s ghost constantly showing up with a stop watch.
4> “Since that pudge skank Nicole lost all that weight, now I look like a *fat* size 4.”
3> When you go to buy a new Bentley and they don’t have one with an interior that complements your dog’s Prada rain slicker?
2> Caterpillars that crawl in one ear and take, like, an hour before crawling out the other side.
And Topfive.com’s Number 1 Paris Hilton Pet Peeve…
1> No Nobel prize for skankery.
[The Top 5 List www.topfive.com]
[Copyright 2005 by Chris White] -
The Cabbie and the Preacher at the Pearly Gates
A cab driver dies and reaches the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
Next in line is a preacher.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow, and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”
The preacher is shocked.
“But I am a man of the cloth! You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!”
St. Peter responds matter-of-factly:
“This is Heaven, and up here we’re interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”
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The Clocks in Heaven
A man died, went to Heaven and met Jesus.
While Jesus was showing him round, the man spotted a broken clock.
“What’s that, then?” he asked.
Jesus said, “That’s Mother Teresa’s clock. It has never moved because she has never lied.”
“Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.”
“Where is Donald Trump’s clock?” asked the man.
Jesus smiled. “It’s in my office, I’m using it as a ceiling fan.”
