I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I'm just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you're desperate.
Tone: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A Wish for One Day
I wish I was ugly for just one day…
cuz being ugly every day is exhausting
They had us in the first half, not gonna lie
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If I Had a Dollar
If I had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.
Ooh, self-burn! Those are rare!
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Failed Math So Many Times I Can’t Even Count
I was horrible in school.
I failed math so many times I can’t even count.
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Lousy at Golf
This guy in his 50s goes to the doctor.
“What’s your daily activity level like?” the doctor asks.
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, a guy your age, probably not eating all that healthy, probably not getting that much exercise…”
The guy shrugs. “Yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake and outran a wild dog in the heavy brush.”
“Well, that sounds pretty good,” the doctor comments.
“That’s nothing,” the guy says. “The day before, I marched up and down several hills and outran a couple of bears.”
“That sounds really impressive.”
“And last weekend, I crawled out of quicksand, stood in a patch of poison ivy, and knocked down a small tree.”
“Well,” the doctor says, “it sounds like you’re one hell of an outdoorsman!”
“Nah,” the guy replies, “I’m just real lousy at golf.”
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Nudist Contemplation
As I folded the third load of laundry this morning, I contemplated on becoming a nudist.
Then I remembered what I look like naked, and I kept folding…
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Some Really Terrible Things for Money
In my day, I’ve done some really terrible things for money.
Like getting up early to go to work.
