There should be a summer camp for adults where you just go and sleep for three weeks.
Joke Type: self-deprecating
Self-deprecating jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Running a 0.002K This Weekend
If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.
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A Nice Summer Body for People to Look At
I wanted to have a nice summer body for people to look at, but I realized I like food more than I like people.
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Failed Math So Many Times I Can’t Even Count
I was horrible in school.
I failed math so many times I can’t even count.
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Lousy at Golf
This guy in his 50s goes to the doctor.
“What’s your daily activity level like?” the doctor asks.
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, a guy your age, probably not eating all that healthy, probably not getting that much exercise…”
The guy shrugs. “Yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake and outran a wild dog in the heavy brush.”
“Well, that sounds pretty good,” the doctor comments.
“That’s nothing,” the guy says. “The day before, I marched up and down several hills and outran a couple of bears.”
“That sounds really impressive.”
“And last weekend, I crawled out of quicksand, stood in a patch of poison ivy, and knocked down a small tree.”
“Well,” the doctor says, “it sounds like you’re one hell of an outdoorsman!”
“Nah,” the guy replies, “I’m just real lousy at golf.”
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Nudist Contemplation
As I folded the third load of laundry this morning, I contemplated on becoming a nudist.
Then I remembered what I look like naked, and I kept folding…
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Because I Don’t Do Any of These Things
Nobody sees the 5am runs.
Nobody sees me choosing a salad over fries.
Nobody sees me doing yoga in a peaceful sunlit room.
Because I don’t do any of these things.
