Fuck it, one shot of tequila won’t hurt
3 hours later:
Man Kicked Out Of McDonalds For Putting His D*ck In A Burger And Yelling THIS IS REAL MEAT, YOU F*CKERS!
Tone: shocking
Shocking humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Heroin Balloon Butt
When you’re fucking a girl in the butt and a balloon of heroin plops out
Don’t mind if I do.
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I Need a Handsaw
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.
So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.
The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock, starts masturbating and points at it.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”
The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”
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Disabled Porn
I’D LIKE THE PORN IN MY ROOM TO BE DISABLED
WE ONLY HAVE REGULAR PORN YOU SICK BASTARD
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Only Chick Raw Dog
The only chick you can fuck raw dog without having to worry about paying child support
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Bryan County Bond
BRYAN COUNTY JAIL
WOMAN IN BRYAN COUNTY SUCKS OFF MAN’S PENIS
Doyle Hargraves
HOW MUCH IS HER BOND?
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Daddy Longlegs Stomps Out Gay Spiders
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”
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Prince Charming’s Pumpkin Problem
Prince Charming gets very drunk at the ball and ends up staggering out of the palace and into the Royal Vegetable Garden. When the Queen realizes that he’s missing, she sends all the palace guards out in search of her son.
In just minutes, the head guard finds the errant prince having a jolly good time thrusting his royal dick into a hole in the side of a large, ripe pumpkin.
“Prince Charming!” cries the guard. “Forgive me for interrupting, but… Do you realize you’re fucking a pumpkin?”
The prince stops what he’s doing and pulls back to examine the violated pumpkin.
“Oh, my,” says the drunken prince. “Is it midnight already?”
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Potential vs. Reality: A Million Dollar Lesson
A son asked his father: “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)
His father replied: “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said: “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”
The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
His father then said: “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son, getting rather irritated, did this. He returned and said: “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman. Please tell me, what’s the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looked at him and said: “This family has the potential to make $3,000,000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!
