I always thought the lyrics were, “Love me tender, love me long, take my legs apart.” It would be nice if someone had corrected me *before* I sang it at my sister’s wedding.
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Don’t get me wrong, I love playing “Santa and His Helper” with
Don’t get me wrong, I love playing “Santa and His Helper” with my wife, especially when she licks the candy cane and empties out Santa’s sack. I just wish she weren’t so insistent about hanging Santa’s balls from the tree.
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If I ever get cast for a reality show, I’m going to dub myself
If I ever get cast for a reality show, I’m going to dub myself “The Predicament,” because I bring that added element of suspenseful mischief. Plus, much like Snooki, it has a “dic” in it.
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“It’s all Greek to me” takes on a whole new meaning at an orgy
“It’s all Greek to me” takes on a whole new meaning at an orgy.
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Okay, I get it: Every kiss begins with Kay. But what jewelry
Okay, I get it: Every kiss begins with Kay. But what jewelry store do I need if I just want a blow job?
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They say you never forget the name of your first love. Mine was
They say you never forget the name of your first love. Mine was Asshole O’Douchebag.
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They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better
They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better than that of a human. If that’s the case, why do dogs have to get their nose so damn close when sniffing each others butts?
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I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture
I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture business, but every time I call a prospective customer and ask if they want to see my stool samples, they just gasp and hang up.
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Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you
Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you use when speaking to your man. There’s a subtle but crucial difference between telling him you’re planning to “blow him off” and “blow him.”
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But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up
But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up grabbing my attention. (Jim Woodruff My new girlfriend is the sexiest woman in the world: big firm breasts, gorgeous eyes and lips, luscious curving hips, long and thick peni– hey, wait just a fucking minute! Oh, my god. I can’t believe this! She totally forgot to wish me a happy one-week anniversary!
