Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A man goes golfing every Sunday morning and is usually home in time for lunch. Until one Sunday when his wife found herself waiting well past noon with no sign of her elderly husband. She wrapped up his lunch and put it in the fridge to stay fresh, busying herself with chores and growing more anxious as the afternoon wore on.
eBay is so useless.
I tried looking up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.
A guy goes to a whorehouse, feeling extremely horny. He’s willing to pay big money. The madame realizes that all her girls are currently occupied, but she doesn’t want to lose out on the cash. So she gets an idea.
What is the speed limit of sex?
68 — because at 69 you have to turn around.
Fantastic Four skins are coming to Fortnite
It is one of the most wanted collabs ever
philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_
Fantastic what
When I was a kid, a wizard gave me a choice — to have a giant dick, or perfect memory.
I forgot which one I picked.
Immediately after mass one Sunday morning, a man stops to shake the preacher’s hand. “That was a goddamned fine sermon you gave today,” the man tells the preacher. “Goddamned fine!”
“Thank you, sir,” the preacher answers, “but I’d rather you didn’t use that kind of foul, blasphemous language in the Lord’s house.”
“You know, I was so goddamned impressed with that fucking sermon that I put $5,000 in the goddamned offering plate!” says the man.
And the preacher says, “No shit!”
What is the female equivalent of teabagging?
A flappuccino.
What do you call a Chinese amputee?
Tai Wan Shu.
