Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Rule 1: Never Publicly Share Sensitive Data

    Rule 1: Never Publicly Share Sensitive Data

    Rule 1: Never publicly share sensitive data over the internet.

  • Pot holes should be more fun

    If you break it down linguistically, pot holes should really be a lot more fun.

  • My master’s in Reverse Psychology

    You guys really shouldn’t make a big deal out of me just because I got my master’s in Reverse Psychology.

  • Tends to be yellower

    The rain falls upon the just and unjust alike, though the rain that falls upon the just tends to be yellower.

  • It’s really easy to quit

    I don’t know why people say, “It’s so hard to quit.” It’s really easy when it’s something you didn’t want to do in the first place.

  • The Hinge and the Lawn Mower

    A woman goes into a hardware store to buy a hinge for a door.

    She puts the hinge on the counter, and the guy says, “Excuse me, lady, do you wanna screw for that hinge?”

    She says, “No, but I’ll blow you for that lawn mower.”

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  • Why Don’t Blind People Like to Skydive?

    Why don’t blind people like to skydive?

    Because it scares the dog.

  • Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence

    Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.

    As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.

    The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”

    Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.

    Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”

    Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”

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  • I didn’t think it hurt that much

    I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
    “Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.”

  • Parking fine

    A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
    It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice.