Witty Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Head Cleaner

Just found a really old porno on VHS, called Head Cleaner.

Sounds hot.

A hand job from a deaf person counts as oral.

Wife: honey the vacuum isn’t sucking

Husband: frustrating isn’t it

“Sure I can paint your ceiling”

*Michelangelo scoffs to himself*

“Gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dicks out though”

There was a knock at the door earlier. When I answered it, there was a little man standing on the step.

I said, “You’re not very tall, are you?”

“I’m 3′3″,” he said.

When I asked him what he wanted, he said, “I’m the meter man.”

I wonder — how do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just a regular dinner?

My wife paid off our house and vehicles with her OnlyFans account.

She’s gonna freak when she finds out she has an OnlyFans account.

The other day I went to a paraplegic strip club.

The place was crawling with pussy.

My new standing desk has arrived, it has a cool feature bolted on underneath.

Why was six afraid of seven?

Seven was a registered six offender.