The imagery and emotion in my poems has been inspired by my life as a solitary traveler — the long, lonely road, the ever-distant horizon, my yearning to return home. I just wish I could come up with a rhyme for “statute of limitations.”
Tone: witty
Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Lemons Painted Like Hand Grenades
When life gives you lemons, paint them up like hand grenades and hijack a plane to Cuba.
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The Truth About Santa Claus
I think, deep down inside, little children want to be told the truth about Santa Claus. Why else would they stand in line for an hour just to sit on my lap?
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Toilet-Training Transferability
As I watched my two-year-old drag his naked bottom across the carpet, I realized that perhaps I overestimated the transferability of the toilet-training skills I had initially honed with our puppies.
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LMFAO Discography
lol i’d never checked out LMFAO’s full discography before
Party Rock (2009)
Sorry for Party Rocking (2011)
We Were Going Through Some Stuff (2012)
Mistakes Were Made (2014)
We Are Always Growing and Learning (2015)
We Will Strive To Do Better In Future (2017)
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Belichick Dog Draft
Some people teach their dogs to fetch and sit.
Bill Belichick teaches his dog to draft defensive backs from obscure Division II schools in the second round.
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When Hunger Beats Romance Every Single Time
I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend’s wife came out to feed them.
The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I stood there thinking to myself, “Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry.”
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Pig Latin Poet
One of the perks of being a Pig Latin poet is that it’s pretty easy to come up with rhymes.
