Witty Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Couldn’t see himself wearing them

Why did the short-sighted vampire refuse to get glasses?
He just couldn’t see himself wearing them.

I compared how I walked down the street drunk vs sober.
The difference was staggering.

Did you hear the one about the Irishman that stayed out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture!

I had a fling with a lady janitor, she was always stoned so I had to break it off with her…
I’m just not into high maintenance women!

Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re always a little short.

My kids asked me what I knew about Leprechauns.

I said very little.

Somebody threw a beer at Donald Trump today
Don’t worry, it was a draft. He was able to dodge it.

My husband and I were happy for 20 years.
And then we met.

I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me before he died:
“Are you still holding the ladder?”

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.