Tone: witty

Witty humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Blowing things out of proportion

    My wife keeps blowing everything out of proportion.
    She is single-handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

  • He’s a web designer

    My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
    We had a few drinks. Turns out he’s a web designer.

  • Introducing: Steve With Two Ears!

    Introducing: Steve With Two Ears!

    Steve with Two Ears

  • An arm and a leg

    If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, try swimming with sharks.
    It can cost you an arm and a leg.

  • It was OK

    I recently visited a U.S. state north of Texas and south of Kansas.
    It wasn’t great… but it was OK.

  • Biden’s Barn Blues: A Night Out

    Biden, Obama, and Trump get lost in the woods one night.

    They come across an old farm and knock on the door to ask if they can get shelter there overnight.

    The farmer answers the door and says yes, but he only has room in his house for two guests, so one of the guys will have to sleep in the barn.

    Biden offers to sleep in the barn, and everyone turns in for the night. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door. It was Biden standing there. Biden says, “I didn’t realize horses were in there. I’m allergic.”

    So the farmer lets Biden in and sends Obama to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on his door. It was Obama standing there. He said, “I can’t sleep out there. The smell from the pigs is making me nauseous.”

    So the farmer lets Obama in and sends Trump out to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door.

    It was the horse and the pigs standing there.

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  • It was a draft

    Somebody threw a beer at Donald Trump today.
    Don’t worry, it was a draft—he was able to dodge it.

  • She spit it out

    I gave my wife an orgasm yesterday…
    …but she spit it out.

  • Pump number 5

    I got robbed today and called the police.
    The cop asked if I had a description of the assailant.
    I said, “Yeah, it’s pump number 5.”

  • A legend in his own thyme

    My great-uncle Herb was a renowned gardener.
    He was a legend in his own thyme.