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Oh… This is a chicken place? Sorry.
Topic: business
Business jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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Go Ahead, Masturbate at Denny’s
GO AHEAD, MASTURBATE AT Denny’s
WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO, ASK YOU TO LEAVE?
IN THIS ECONOMY?
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Who Ate the Cleaner?
Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.
“Well,” says the boss, “if I hire you guys, you have to promise not to eat any of our staff.”
The cannibals promise they won’t eat anyone, and they get hired.
Everything goes well for a while, until one day the boss calls them into his office.
“You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”
The cannibals swear they’re innocent.
The boss believes them and leaves the office.
Their leader turns to the others and screams, “You idiots! Who ate the cleaner?”
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.
“You fool!” shouts the leader.
“For weeks we’ve been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers, and human resources staff — and then you go and eat someone they’ll actually miss!”
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High-Stakes Humor: Plane Drop Laughs!
Trump and Elon Musk are on a plane.
Trump says to Elon Musk, “I could drop $1 to the ground, and it would make one person happy—tremendous happiness, happiest ever!”
Elon replies, “I could drop 100 one-dollar bills to the ground and make 100 people happy!”
The pilot walks out of the cockpit and says, “I could drop this plane to the ground and make 8.2 billion people happy!”
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Priorities: Lawyering vs. Giving Back
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um… no.”
“—or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted.
“—or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”
The lawyer cut him off once again: “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”
