Daily Life Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

When You Push So Hard on the Toilet That You Teleport

When you push so hard on the toilet that you teleport

Just bought my first slow cooker!

Day 21 of quarantine, my bologna is about to get a first name

STEP UP YOUR JERK OFF GAME WITH

THE RIBBED STRANGER

Now i know

Why they’re so noisy at night

TODAY ON THE BUS I TOLD A LADY SHE HAD SEMEN ON THE BACK OF HER SHIRT.

SHE SAID IT WAS PROBABLY YOGURT.

I’M PRETTY SURE I DON’T EJACULATE YOGURT.

Me on naked and afraid waiting for a box of Krispy Kremes to wash up

There was a knock at the door earlier. When I answered it, there was a little man standing on the step.

I said, “You’re not very tall, are you?”

“I’m 3′3″,” he said.

When I asked him what he wanted, he said, “I’m the meter man.”

Me: “I am here to ask for your daughters hand”

Her dad: why?

Me: “cause I’m tired of using mine”

Absolutely nobody.

The sock in the corner of my room