Topic: religion

Religion jokes, holy weirdness, questionable miracles, and sacred-adjacent punchlines from the part of the internet that definitely heard the thunder.

Big Fucking Boat

God: Build a big fucking boat

Noah: Do you mean a very large boat or a boat made for fucking.

God: *pauses*

God: Both
Devotionals For Teens

If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Own and operate a midget brothel?

Devotionals for Teens
I Am Jesus Christ

Two priests are walking down the street when a drunk comes up to them, falls onto one of them, and says, “I am Jesus Christ.”

The priest, smelling the drunk, immediately pushes him off and says, “No, you are NOT Jesus Christ.”

The drunk says, “Betcha I am. Follow me.” The priests look at one another before the drunk starts pulling one by the arm, dragging the priest into a corner pub.

The drunk stumbles into the pub with the priests in tow, when the bartender shouts, “Jesus Christ, what are you doing back in here? I told you to leave!”

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There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the

There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the same time lamenting the deeds of my past and wondering what punishment I might have to suffer in the future. Alas, such is the paradox of my religion, the Karma Sutra.
My man wanted to fuck me missionary-style. WTF? He knows I’m not

My man wanted to fuck me missionary-style. WTF? He knows I’m not religious.
I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. For

I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason. For example, I believe He brought me the new receptionist so I can stare at her tits all day.
Ask all you want, but I ain’t showing you my Chanukah Bush

Ask all you want, but I ain’t showing you my Chanukah Bush.
I gave up courtesy for Lent. So fuck you

I gave up courtesy for Lent. So fuck you.
“Who do I have to blow to get some help around here?” works

“Who do I have to blow to get some help around here?” works great in a bar, but not so much at Confession.
(Jilly G.) Hiccups are God’s way of saying, “You ain’t getting

(Jilly G.) Hiccups are God’s way of saying, “You ain’t getting head tonight.”