miguel ruiz @maneruiz
You know you’re getting older when you walk past a couple of priests and they don’t even look at you…
6:17 PM – 18 May 13
Topic: religion
Religion jokes, holy weirdness, questionable miracles, and sacred-adjacent punchlines from the part of the internet that definitely heard the thunder.
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You Aint Said Nothing About Meing and Meing
The minister, all fired up because of recent obvious problems of infidelity, shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and sheing to stand up!” Half of his congregation stood up.
He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been heing and heing to stand up!” A couple of men stood up.
He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been sheing and sheing to stand up!” Several women stood up. The minister looked over his congregation and noticed that everyone was standing except Little Johnny.
The minister shouted out, “Brothers and Sisters, look at Little Johnny, can he be the only one without sin? Little Johnny, stand up… I guess you are the only one here who isn’t preoccupied with sex and committing sins. What do you have to say!”
Little Johnny replied, “Reverend, you ain’t said nothing about meing and meing!”
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Which One Sir the 8:30 or the 10:30
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son.”
“Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque.
“Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.
“Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service”, replied the pastor.
Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?”
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Walter Summerford Lightning
A man named Walter Summerford was struck by lightening 3 times in his life. After his death, his gravestone was also struck.
Jesus Christ!
FUCK THAT GUY
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Jew In Oven
Carryout Orders:
76 LINDSEY – Now – Ready
78 MARTIN SCHMIDT – Now – Ready
79 LYNN MURRAY – Now – Ready
81 JEW – 4 minutes – In Oven
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Is That All You People Think About
Two elderly Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “Convert to Catholicism and get $50.”
Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
“So,” asks Abe, “did you convert?”
“Yes I did,” says Murray.
“Did you get your fifty dollars?” asks Abe.
And Murray says, “Is that all you people think about?”
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Lords Spaghetti
My psalms are sweaty knees weak, cross is heavy
last supper is ready it’s lord’s spaghetti
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Joel Osteen Phrasing
Do not swallow anything Satan is trying to ram down your throat. Jesus comes first. – Joel Osteen
HOLY SHIT, JOEL!
PHRASING!!
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Jehovah Witness Working From Home
IF YOU GET AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT “KNOCK KNOCK”
DON’T OPEN IT
IT’S A JEHOVAH WITNESS WORKING FROM HOME
