Delivery Style: dialogue

Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Not What It Looks Like

    So a girl walks in and catches her boyfriend masturbating to an optical illusion. “What the hell are you doing?” she screams.

    And he says, “Honey, it’s not what it looks like.”

  • The Potato in the Speedo

    A guy is having trouble getting women’s attention at the beach. He tells the lifeguard:

    “I’ve walked past every woman on this beach and none of them so much as glance my way. I’m even wearing my best Speedo to show off all the work I’ve put in at the gym. I don’t know what else to do.”

    The lifeguard says, “Oh, that’s easy! Just put a potato in your Speedo and you’ll have all their eyes glued on you. Trust me.”

    So the next day he does just that, and then goes to see the lifeguard:

    “Hey man, so I did get a lot of looks, but not quite what I was expecting. They all looked completely disgusted and appalled, and not turned on at all.”

    So the lifeguard looks down at his waist area:

    “Okay, well, I guess I should have specified — you have to put the potato in the front of your Speedo.”

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  • It Must Have Gotten Married

    It Must Have Gotten Married

    Her: That thing is broken, it has stopped sucking.

    Him: It must have gotten married.

  • I Already Have That One

    I Already Have That One

    I’m addicted to collecting Beatles Albums

    It sounds like you need help

    No, I already have that one

  • CDs Nuts

    CDs Nuts

    Back in my day we listened to music on CDs

    What are CDs, grandma?

    CDs nuts

  • The Rabbi’s Advice

    A guy goes to his rabbi to ask his advice.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    “Rabbi, I have a court case next week. What should I wear? Should I wear shabby clothes and hope the judge has pity on me, or should I wear my best suit, give some money to the judge and say, ‘You look after me and I’ll look after you’?”

    “Well, my son. You remember how my daughter got married only last week? So, the night before, she came to me with a question: ‘What should I wear that night? The short, see-through negligee my sister gave me, or the long thick nightie mother gave me?’”

    “And the answer I gave her is the answer I give you: It doesn’t matter what you wear — you’re going to get fucked.”

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  • Polly’s Tree Climbing

    Polly went home happy and told her mum how she’d earned $50 by climbing a tree.

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    Her mum replied, “Sweetie — they just wanted to see your knickers.”

    To which Polly replied, “No, look, Mom, I was clever, I took them off!”

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  • Superman’s Drinking Problem

    A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper and orders a cold beer.

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    As he’s sipping it, he suddenly watches the guy next to him stroll over to the window… and jump right out!

    “Good grief! Did you see that?! That man just jumped out the window!”

    The bartender doesn’t even blink.

    Shaken, the man takes another sip.

    A minute later, the same guy walks back in, sits down, orders another drink, finishes it, and jumps out the window again.

    The man shouts, “Are you kidding me?! He did it again!”

    Still, the bartender says nothing.

    The guy comes back into the bar and orders another drink.

    Finally, the man asks, “How on earth are you surviving those jumps?”

    The guy grins and says, “Oh, it’s this special drink. If you finish it fast enough, you can float.”

    Excited, the man orders the same “floatie” drink, chugs it, runs to the window, jumps out… and SPLAT — straight onto the sidewalk.

    The bartender sighs and says, “Superman… you’re a real jerk when you’ve been drinking.”

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  • Gram of Coke and a Pepsi

    Gram of Coke and a Pepsi

    I’d like a Pepsi.

    We have Coke.

    OK, I’ll take a gram of that and a Pepsi.

  • Prostate Exam

    Prostate Exam

    Dr: you need to stop masturbating

    Me: for how long?

    Dr: at least until I finish your prostate exam

    Me: fair enough