Delivery Style: dialogue

Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • I Had No Idea Your Father Was a Pharmacist

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her and her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents’ house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in.”

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

    The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”

  • Can I Turn the Light Off?

    A man is about to have sex with a really large woman, so he climbs on top of her.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Can I turn the ceiling light off?” he asks.

    “Why?” she replies. “Are you feeling a bit shy?”

    “No,” he says. “It’s burning my ass.”

  • He’s at Home with the Kids

    A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman, “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Sure,” she said. “He’s at home, taking care of the kids.”

  • A Bulldog Eating Mayonnaise

    A man and his four-year-old son were talking about sex. The son asked his father, “Dad, what does a pussy look like?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The dad asked him, “Before or after sex?”

    “Ummm, before sex,” the kid replied.

    The dad said, “Have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?”

    “Yeah,” said the son. “Well, what about after sex?”

    His dad replied, “Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?”

  • It’s the Truth I’m Worried About

    A friend of mine was trying to figure out the best way to break up with her boyfriend. She seemed awfully concerned that he not be angry.

    “Are you afraid he’ll spread lies about you?” I asked.

    “I don’t mind the lies,” she answered. “But if he ever tells the truth, I’ll break his neck.”

  • I Used to Be Six Feet Tall

    A midget went into a whorehouse. None of the girls really wanted to serve him, so finally they drew lots and Mitzi was unlucky and went up to the room with him.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    A minute later, there was a loud scream. The Madam and all of the girls charged up the staircase and into the room. Mitzi lay on the floor in a dead faint.

    Standing next to the bed was the midget, nude, with a three-foot cock hanging down and almost touching the floor. The girls were dumbfounded by the sight. Finally, one of them regained her composure enough to say, “Sir, would you mind if we felt it? We’ve never seen anything like that before.”

    The midget sighed. “Okay, honey, but only touching. No sucking. I used to be six feet tall.”

  • Did I Come Here to Die?

    A Canadian tourist in Australia gets hit by a car. He wakes up in the hospital with a doctor standing over him.

    He asks the doctor, “Did I come here to die?”

    The doctor replies, “Nah mate, you came here yesterday.”

  • The Pope’s Miracle Hearing

    The Pope is handing out miracles to kids in Liverpool. Billy walks on stage and asks him, “Can you help me with my hearing?”

    The Pope says, “Yes,” puts his hands on Billy’s ears, and prays. He removes his hands and asks, “How is your hearing now?”

    Billy says, “I don’t know, it’s not until next Wednesday.”

  • Ears Have It: A Mistaken Compliment

    A young man is walking through his apartment lobby when he bumps into a gorgeous woman wearing a very loosely-tied robe.

    She begins flirting with him, and after a minute she places her hand on his chest and says, “Let’s go to my place. I hear someone coming.”

    He follows her into her apartment, and once inside she immediately slips off her robe.

    “Tell me,” she purrs, “what do you think is my best feature?”

    “Um, I guess that would be your ears,” he replies nervously.

    “My ears?” she says. “Look at these breasts! And this ass! How can you possibly think that the best part of this body is my ears?”

    “Well,” he stammers, “back in the hall when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.”

  • Wife’s Accidental Car Meeting Goes Wrong

    Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”

    “How did you meet this fellow?” He asked, very concerned.

    She said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”