Narrative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A primary school teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. “Who knows what sound a cow makes?” she asked.
It’s my first time with a blind man!
You’ll like it!
Dear god! My husband is home! Hide under the bed!
Honey! You’re home early!
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against… get this… fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued… and won.
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be “unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.” After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested… on 24 counts of arson.
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
SADLY LEARNED MY FAMILY WAS RACIST. I DATED A BLACK GIRL AND BROUGHT HER HOME TO MEET THE THEM.
MY WIFE AND KIDS WOULDN’T EVEN TALK TO HER.
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before…”
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”
The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can.”
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.”
So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realizes what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”
A man goes to a urologist.
Urologist: “Sir, please take off your pants and underpants”.
The man does so.
Urologist: “I’m warning you, this is going to hurt”.
The man says that he’s ready.
Urologist, laughing: “I’ve never seen a smaller dick in my life!”
Coronavirus panic day 3: I was forced to catch a squirrel today, not for food, I just used it to wipe my ass… It was not happy
A mole family was living in their mole hole: a daddy mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.
They were just about to eat dinner when an overpowering smell wafted down the hole.
The daddy mole rushes to the entrance and says, “Mmmm, I smell strawberries!”
Momma mole runs beside him and says, “Ohhh, I smell blueberries!”
Baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but is stuck behind them, and says, “All I smell is molasses!”
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. “How much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. “Nothing” I slurred. “Look at me!” she shouted. “It’s either me or the pub, which one is it?” I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled…
“It’s you. I can tell by the voice.”
