Delivery Style: narrative

Narrative joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Circumcision

    Two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

    The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”

    “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m nervous,” the second boy says.

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about! I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream and Jell-O. It’s a breeze!”

    “Well, what are you here for?” the second kid asks.

    “A circumcision,” the first kid replies woefully.

    The second kid says, “Wow! I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year!”

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  • Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence

    Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.

    As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.

    The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”

    Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.

    Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”

    Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”

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  • Nope — I Slept With Your Wife

    A man walks into a bar.

    The bartender asks, “Why the long face?”

    The man replies, “I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I’ve decided I’m going to drink myself to death.”

    The bartender looks shocked and says, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you kill yourself.”

    The man asks, “Well, what would you do in my situation?”

    The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says, “If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife, I wouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for myself. I’d kill the guy.”

    The man jumps up from his stool and shouts, “That’s a great idea! Thanks!” Then he runs out of the bar.

    A couple of hours go by, and the bartender starts to get nervous. Then the man walks back in with a smile on his face.

    “Did you kill the guy?” the bartender asks nervously.

    “Nope,” the man says. “I slept with your wife. Whiskey, please.”

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  • The Rooster and the Peacock

    On Easter morning, a rooster wakes up and notices brightly colored eggs scattered all around the chicken coop and yard.

    He looks at the hens nesting, thinks for a minute, then runs across the barnyard and beats the shit out of the peacock.

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  • A Long Time — We’re Buildin’ a Garage

    A couple of rednecks pull into a lumberyard. One goes in and asks the clerk for some four-by-twos.

    “You mean two-by-fours?” the clerk asks.

    The redneck says, “I’ll go check.”

    He goes back to the car, asks his buddy, and returns a minute later.

    “Yeah, two-by-fours will be fine,” he tells the clerk.

    “All right,” says the clerk. “And how long?”

    “Just a minute,” says the redneck, and heads back out to the car.

    A minute later he comes back and says, “A long time. We’re buildin’ a garage.”

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  • Who Ate the Cleaner?

    Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.

    “Well,” says the boss, “if I hire you guys, you have to promise not to eat any of our staff.”

    The cannibals promise they won’t eat anyone, and they get hired.

    Everything goes well for a while, until one day the boss calls them into his office.

    “You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”

    The cannibals swear they’re innocent.

    The boss believes them and leaves the office.

    Their leader turns to the others and screams, “You idiots! Who ate the cleaner?”

    One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.

    “You fool!” shouts the leader.

    “For weeks we’ve been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers, and human resources staff — and then you go and eat someone they’ll actually miss!”

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  • Tell That to Mrs. Coolidge

    It’s said that President and Mrs. Coolidge were invited to visit a Department of Agriculture station that was working on ways to improve farming. Two agents guided them separately.

    When Mrs. Coolidge was brought to the chicken yard, she noticed a rooster doing his duty. She asked how many times the rooster could provide service per day and was told dozens of times.

    She replied, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.”

    Later, when the President was informed of that fact, he asked, “Same hen every time?”

    He was told, “No, a different hen every time.”

    He responded, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”

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  • No, It Has to Be the Bull

    A politician was touring his rural constituency in his shiny Range Rover, press in tow, visiting farmers, showing his face, and trying to come across as a man of the people.

    He suddenly found the narrow country lane blocked by a bull being led by a small girl with a rope through its nose ring.

    As the girl tugged at the aggravated bull’s rope, the politician got out to see how he could be of assistance.

    With the press looking on, he approached the girl and asked, “Young lady, just what are you doing with such a large, dangerous animal on the public road?”

    “This old bull?” says the girl. “I’m taking him down to the neighbors’ place to service one of their cows.”

    “Shouldn’t your father be doing that?” asks the politician.

    “Oh no…” says the girl. “It has to be the bull.”

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  • You Can Start Right Away

    A campaigning politician was driving through the countryside, meeting his constituents.

    As he passed a farmhouse, he struck and killed a rooster in the road.

    He told the farmer, “Sorry, but I’ve run over your rooster.”

    Reaching for his wallet, he added, “I’d very much like to replace him, of course.”

    The farmer said, “Fine. You can start right away — the chickens are out back.”

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  • Little Johnny Explains What a Gnome Is

    A teacher asks her class, “Who can tell me a word that starts with the letter ‘A’?”

    Little Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say something like ‘asshole.’

    So she calls on Suzy, who says, “Apple.”

    “Very good!” says the teacher. “Now… who can tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘B’?”

    Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say ‘bastard’ or ‘bitch.’

    So she calls on Stephen instead, and Stephen says, “Balloon.”

    This continues until they get to the letter G.

    Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher says to herself, I can’t think of a swear word that starts with G.

    So she calls on Johnny.

    “Gnome,” says Johnny.

    Very surprised, the teacher says, “That’s excellent, Johnny! It does start with G, which is silent. Johnny, do you know what a gnome is?”

    “Yeah,” says Johnny. “It’s the little shit who lives in my garden and fucks fairies.”

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