When the doctor asks what you’re taking for depression
6 Medicinal Pizza
Delivery Style: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Abortion Is a Difficult Topic
What is your opinion on abortion?
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On the one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
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Never Heard of Herbivore
I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants.
You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
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I Already Have That One
I’m addicted to collecting Beatles Albums
It sounds like you need help
No, I already have that one
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25 Toy Horses Stable
BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
KCCI NEWS 8
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Fatherly Bubble
Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, “Some nights I don’t know why I even bother to wear panties.”
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The Thanksgiving Turkey Guts
A husband and wife married for many years — every morning the husband wakes up and lets out a thunderous fart, then cackles. One day she glares at him and says, “You know, one of these days you’re going to shit your guts out.” He shrugs it off and they go about life.
Come around to Thanksgiving, the wife is downstairs prepping a turkey for dinner, husband is sleeping upstairs in bed. As she pulls the turkey’s guts out, she gets a clever idea, and sneaks upstairs holding a small handful of the turkey’s guts. She tucks them into her husband’s underwear.
She goes back downstairs and continues to cook. A short while later, the husband wakes up. She hears his usual morning fart, his cackle, then dead silence.
A few minutes later the husband comes down the stairs. He is pale, shaking a little, and looks like a deer in the headlights.
“Is everything okay, dear?” she asks without missing a beat.
“Well, yea,” the husband says. “But you were right, I did shit my guts out. But with these two fingers and a little determination, I got them back up in there.”
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The Rabbi’s Advice
A guy goes to his rabbi to ask his advice.
“Rabbi, I have a court case next week. What should I wear? Should I wear shabby clothes and hope the judge has pity on me, or should I wear my best suit, give some money to the judge and say, ‘You look after me and I’ll look after you’?”
“Well, my son. You remember how my daughter got married only last week? So, the night before, she came to me with a question: ‘What should I wear that night? The short, see-through negligee my sister gave me, or the long thick nightie mother gave me?’”
“And the answer I gave her is the answer I give you: It doesn’t matter what you wear — you’re going to get fucked.”
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Searched So Thoroughly Gold Watch
ewilliams1: They searched him so thoroughly, they found a gold watch.
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Keep People in the Dark
My friends keep asking me how I’m able to save so much on my electric bill,
but I’ll never tell because I like to keep people in the dark.
