A wife gets naked and asks her husband, “What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?”
Her husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, “Your sense of humor.”
Delivery Style: surprise twist
Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Fred’s Annual Physical
Fred is eighty years old and has just had his annual physical. His doctor is, as always, very impressed at Fred’s level of fitness. Fred explains:
“Ever since I was young, my faith in God has helped me with the discipline needed to keep at it. As I age, the Lord keeps guiding me in many ways. For instance, when I get up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when I’m done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off.”
After Fred leaves, the doctor is a little concerned about what may be a hallucination, so he calls Fred’s wife.
“Fred is in great shape as always, but he said one thing that concerned me. He said when he gets up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when he’s done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off. Do you know what that means?”
“Yes, it means he’s pissing in the fridge again!”
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John’s Birthday At The Club
A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club on his birthday.
At the club, the doorman says, “Hi, John. How are you doing today?”
The wife asks, “How did he know your name?”
John says, “Oh! Honey, I played football with him in college.”
Inside, the bartender says, “As usual, John?”
John says to his wife, “Before you say anything, he’s on the bowling team.”
Then a stripper asks, “Hi, John. Do you want the special again?”
The wife doesn’t wait for him to give an excuse anymore. She drags him into a taxi…
Then the taxi driver says, “Hey, Johnny boy! You picked up an ugly one this time!”
John’s funeral is next week…
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Afternoon Tea With Cannibals
Two cannibal friends are sitting together over afternoon tea.
One looks across the table and asks, “Hey, I heard you and your boyfriend had a massive argument last night?”
“Oh, absolutely,” she replies. “It was dreadful.”
“So, where do things stand between you two now?”
She pauses, takes a delicate sip from her teacup, and says, “Well… right now, I’m just letting him stew.”
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My Best Friend In Bed
I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!
She was stroking him, and he was licking her!
I did what any red-blooded man would do under such circumstances.
I rolled up a newspaper, bopped him on the nose with it, and yelled:
“Bad dog! BAD dog!”
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British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children
British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children.
Fair enough. Use an ashtray.
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If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN…
They will get very angry.
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Stop Fucking My Ass
A priest and a voluptuous young woman were alone at the church.
“Ohhh, Father!” whispered the woman into his ear. “Don’t you just wanna come and fuck my pussy?”
“Good heavens, my child, no!” cried the horrified priest. “Always remember: God gave you your womanhood solely for you to bear children with a man who’s your husband.”
“Fine, Father,” said the woman. “Then what about if I give you a blowjob instead?”
“Lord have mercy, my child!” exclaimed the priest. “Don’t you know that your mouth should always be holy and only be used to pray and worship the Lord?”
“You’re right, Father,” conceded the young woman. “So maybe I can give you a handjob?”
“I wouldn’t dream of defiling you like that, child,” admonished the priest. “Your hands were given to you by God so you could accomplish His good works. They should never be used for filthy deeds.”
Then the woman finally lost her patience:
“ALRIGHT THEN, FATHER!! Then just stop fucking my ass, ’cause it’s hurting me a lot!”
