Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her and her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.
A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman, “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”
A Tumblr hall-of-famer: suicidal trip to Mexico pivots hard into a week-long coke and hookers bender, and the patient decides life might be worth sticking around for after all. Poetry.
John visits his friend David, a fellow businessman, and clearly impressed asks him, “David, how do you keep this place running so smooth?”
“Easy,” he said. “I surround myself with people who actually have a brain. Watch.” He calls his Chief Financial Officer and asks, “He’s your father’s son, but he’s not your brother. Who is he?”
The CFO responds almost immediately: “That’s me.”
John is floored. He flies home, calls his own CFO, and says, “Mike, I’ve got a test for you. He’s your father’s son, but he’s not your brother. Who is he?”
The CFO stammers for twenty minutes before asking for 24 hours to “research” it. He panics and calls Warren Buffet. “Sir, quick question: Your father’s son, but not your brother. Who is it?”
Buffet sighs. “It’s me, Mike.”
Mike runs to his boss, all proud. “Sir! I have the answer! It’s Warren Buffet!”
John slams his desk. “No, you idiot! It’s David’s finance guy!”
Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”
“How did you meet this fellow?” He asked, very concerned.
She said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”
Davidson thinks about it and says, “I wanna hang out with God, Himself!”
The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, “Hey, aren’t you the inventor of ‘Woman’?”
God says, “Ahhh, yes.”
“Well,” says Davidson, “You have some major design flaws in your invention!
1. There’s too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust
“Hmmm…..” replies God, “hold on”
God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.
“It may be that my invention is flawed,” God replies to Arthur Davidson, “but according to My Computer, more guys are riding my invention than yours!”
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
“Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”
“That’s all fine” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”
