Delivery Style: surprise twist

Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • I Had No Idea Your Father Was a Pharmacist

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her and her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

    The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents’ house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in.”

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

    The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”

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  • Can I Turn the Light Off?

    A man is about to have sex with a really large woman, so he climbs on top of her.

    “Can I turn the ceiling light off?” he asks.

    “Why?” she replies. “Are you feeling a bit shy?”

    “No,” he says. “It’s burning my ass.”

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  • He’s at Home with the Kids

    A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day was involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman, “Do you know what your asshole does when you’re having an orgasm?”

    “Sure,” she said. “He’s at home, taking care of the kids.”

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  • The Greatest Headline of Our Generation

    The Greatest Headline of Our Generation

    A Tumblr hall-of-famer: suicidal trip to Mexico pivots hard into a week-long coke and hookers bender, and the patient decides life might be worth sticking around for after all. Poetry.

  • I Used to Be Six Feet Tall

    A midget went into a whorehouse. None of the girls really wanted to serve him, so finally they drew lots and Mitzi was unlucky and went up to the room with him.

    A minute later, there was a loud scream. The Madam and all of the girls charged up the staircase and into the room. Mitzi lay on the floor in a dead faint.

    Standing next to the bed was the midget, nude, with a three-foot cock hanging down and almost touching the floor. The girls were dumbfounded by the sight. Finally, one of them regained her composure enough to say, “Sir, would you mind if we felt it? We’ve never seen anything like that before.”

    The midget sighed. “Okay, honey, but only touching. No sucking. I used to be six feet tall.”

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  • Smart Boss Hires Even Smarter People

    John visits his friend David, a fellow businessman, and clearly impressed asks him, “David, how do you keep this place running so smooth?”

    “Easy,” he said. “I surround myself with people who actually have a brain. Watch.” He calls his Chief Financial Officer and asks, “He’s your father’s son, but he’s not your brother. Who is he?”

    The CFO responds almost immediately: “That’s me.”

    John is floored. He flies home, calls his own CFO, and says, “Mike, I’ve got a test for you. He’s your father’s son, but he’s not your brother. Who is he?”

    The CFO stammers for twenty minutes before asking for 24 hours to “research” it. He panics and calls Warren Buffet. “Sir, quick question: Your father’s son, but not your brother. Who is it?”

    Buffet sighs. “It’s me, Mike.”

    Mike runs to his boss, all proud. “Sir! I have the answer! It’s Warren Buffet!”

    John slams his desk. “No, you idiot! It’s David’s finance guy!”

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  • Ears Have It: A Mistaken Compliment

    A young man is walking through his apartment lobby when he bumps into a gorgeous woman wearing a very loosely-tied robe.

    She begins flirting with him, and after a minute she places her hand on his chest and says, “Let’s go to my place. I hear someone coming.”

    He follows her into her apartment, and once inside she immediately slips off her robe.

    “Tell me,” she purrs, “what do you think is my best feature?”

    “Um, I guess that would be your ears,” he replies nervously.

    “My ears?” she says. “Look at these breasts! And this ass! How can you possibly think that the best part of this body is my ears?”

    “Well,” he stammers, “back in the hall when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.”

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  • Wife’s Accidental Car Meeting Goes Wrong

    Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”

    “How did you meet this fellow?” He asked, very concerned.

    She said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”

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  • Biker Seeks God’s Greatest Creation

    Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.”

    Davidson thinks about it and says, “I wanna hang out with God, Himself!”

    The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, “Hey, aren’t you the inventor of ‘Woman’?”

    God says, “Ahhh, yes.”

    “Well,” says Davidson, “You have some major design flaws in your invention!
    1. There’s too much front end protrusion
    2. It chatters at high speeds
    3. The rear end wobbles too much
    4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust

    “Hmmm…..” replies God, “hold on”

    God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.

    “It may be that my invention is flawed,” God replies to Arthur Davidson, “but according to My Computer, more guys are riding my invention than yours!”

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  • Boss Notices Tom’s Perfect Timing Problem

    Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.

    Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

    “Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”

    “That’s all fine” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

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