Delivery Style: surprise twist
Surprise twist joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Bowling Teams: Brunettes vs. Blondes on a Bus!
Two bowling teams—one team of brunettes and the other of blondes—get on a double-decker bus together. The brunettes are on the bottom, and the blondes are on the top floor.
The brunettes are having the time of their lives, drinking and partying, when one says to her friend, “It’s very quiet upstairs.” So they go up to investigate.
When they arrive, they see all the blondes staring toward the front of the bus and hanging on to the seats with utmost fear.
A brunette asks, “What’s wrong?”
A blonde replies, “It’s OK for you—you’ve got a driver!”
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Worms, Wagers, and Wily Whippersnappers!
A boy and his grandfather were digging in the backyard when the grandfather pulled a long earthworm out of the dirt.
The boy says, “Hey, Grandpa. I bet you five bucks I can put that worm right back in the ground.”
“No way that’s possible,” says the grandfather. “You’re on.”
The kid goes inside, gets a can of hairspray, and sprays the length of the earthworm, which goes completely stiff. He takes it between his fingers and slides the worm right back into its burrow.
The grandfather shakes his head and, with an “I’ll be damned,” hands the kid a five-dollar bill and heads inside.
After a while, he comes back out to the yard and hands the kid a five-dollar bill.
“Grandpa,” the kid says, “you already paid me.”
“I know,” the grandfather replies. “That’s from Grandma.”
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Grateful Skin: A Love Story!
A man’s face is badly burned in a fire.
The doctors decide he needs a skin graft to restore his face, but he is so thin that he has no excess skin of his own for the operation. So they use skin from his wife’s bottom.
The operation is a complete success. His face looks like it did before the fire.
Several months go by, and the man is still thanking his wife profusely for the sacrifice she made.
Finally, she says to him, “You don’t have to keep thanking me. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”
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Just a figure of speech
My friend asked me to say a few words at his wife’s funeral, so I stepped up to the podium, cleared my throat, and said, “Curvy, shapely, voluptuous, generously proportioned, full-figured…”
He stopped me and said, “Dude, what are you saying??”
I replied, “Sorry… it was just a figure of speech.”
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Speeding Ticket for a Stretching Job!
The Rectum Stretcher
There was a middle-aged blonde lady speeding down the highway in a red sports car. She accelerated while crossing a bridge, figuring she didn’t have to worry about speed traps.
At the end of the bridge, there was a cop hidden behind a bunch of bushes. His radar gun tagged her at 95 mph. He pulled her over, walked up to the car, and asked, “What’s the hurry?”
She said, “I’m late to work.”
The cop asked, “What do you do?”
The lady responded, “I’m a rectum stretcher.”
The cop chuckled, winked at her, and asked, “Now just what in the hell does a rectum stretcher do?”
Without missing a beat, she took the opportunity to explain. “Our clients come into our office wanting their rectum stretched. We lube up their assholes until we can get two fingers in there, then we wiggle those fingers around and stretch it until we can get our entire hand inside.”
The cop was in disbelief at this point and let his mouth drop open. Disgusted but intrigued, he continued to listen.
She continued, “After we get back from lunch and the patients have had some time to rest, we put our hands back in their butthole and continue the back-and-forth stretching until we can get both hands inside. Once that’s accomplished, we proceed to stretch their rectum until it’s about six feet long!”
The cop, disheveled and in disbelief, raised his voice and said, “COME ON, LADY! NOW JUST WHAT IN THE HELL WOULD YOU DO WITH A SIX-FOOT ASSHOLE?”
She replied, “You give it a radar gun and stick it behind a bridge.”
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Sandpaper Sally: A Rough Night Out!
A man is having a terrible day. He’s broke and needs to get his mind off things. He goes to a brothel, hoping to clear his mind. Beautiful women are lined up waiting for his choice.
He talks to the madame and says, “I only have $10 to my name. Is there anyone who will fuck me?”
The madame talks with some of the girls and heads to the back room. She comes back a while later.
She tells him only one prostitute will sleep with him: Sandpaper Sally. She’s at the end of the hall.
Nervously, he walks down the hall and enters the room. A woman who isn’t the worst-looking greets him. After warming him up a bit, she begins to fuck him. Her name held true. The man was so uncomfortable while fucking that he had to stop.
He said, “I can’t do this. It’s too painful.”
Sally says, “Hang on, I’ll be right back.” She leaves for the bathroom.
The man is trying to recover. Sally comes back a little while later, and they go at it again. This time it was AMAZING. It was wet and soft. He came, and it was one of the best orgasms he has ever had.
Astonished, he looks at Sandpaper Sally and asks, “What did you do in the bathroom?”
She gives a small smile and says, “I picked off all of the scabs.”
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Desert Morale: A Hump Day Solution!
A captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour, he noticed a very old, seedy-looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”
The sergeant replied, “Well, sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”
The captain said, “Well, if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me.”
After he had been at the fort for about six months, the captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!”
The sergeant shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captain’s quarters. The captain got a footstool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped down from the stool, satisfied, and was buttoning his pants, he asked the sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”
The sergeant replied, “Well, sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”
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Desert Desires: The Camel Conundrum
A man is making a long journey in the desert with his camel. He has been walking for days and suddenly has the urge to have sex. With no other options, he tries to have sex with the camel, which immediately runs away. He catches up and, after another day or so, tries again, but fails because the camel runs away.
Another day or two later, he comes across three gorgeous women next to a broken-down van. They ask him for help fixing the van and say they will do anything in return.
The man is a bit of a mechanic, so he is able to fix their van. The girls come up to him and ask him what he would like; they’re willing to do anything.
“Anything?” asks the man.
“Anything you want,” they reply.
The man thinks about it for a minute, then politely asks, “Could you hold down my camel?”
