Format: anecdotal

Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Show Him Your Badge and Warrant

    A DEA officer had a tip that a farmer was growing weed and showed up to inform the farmer that he would be searching the farm for illegal marijuana plants.

    The farmer said: “I do not consent to a search without a warrant.”

    At which point the DEA pulled out his badge and a signed warrant and said: “THIS gives me the authoritah to search wherever I want.”

    So the farmer said: “Okay, but stay out of that field,” pointing to a fenced-in field.

    The DEA says: “Then that is where I will start.”

    The farmer just shrugged and went back to work.

    A few minutes later the DEA agent was screaming and the farmer came to see the DEA agent running and diving, trying to avoid being gored by the farmer’s large bull. The DEA agent was yelling for help. The farmer shouted: “SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE AND WARRANT!!!”

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  • A Hot Dog and a Popsicle

    There was two people working in a coal mine. It was time for lunch so the two people sat down together; one was a West Virginian, the other a Virginian. While they were eating lunch, the Virginian pulled out a Thermos.

    “What is that?” asked the West Virginian.

    “A Thermos,” said the Virginian.

    “What is it used for?” asked the West Virginian.

    “It is used to store hot stuff in it and cold stuff in it,” said the Virginian.

    “I’m going to get me one,” said the West Virginian.

    So the next week when the West Virginian and the Virginian ate lunch together, the West Virginian pulled out a Thermos.

    “What’s in the Thermos?” asked the Virginian.

    “A hot dog and a Popsicle,” said the West Virginian.

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  • Something Soft and Mushy

    So anyway this hillbilly took his girl up to lovers peak. They sat down on a log. After a bit Judi says to Jon, “Aren’t the stars purty tonite?”

    Jon says “Sure is Judi”.

    Judi says “Jon, aren’t the moon purty tonite”.

    Jon says “Sure is Judi”.

    After a bit Judi says, “Jon, whisper something soft and mushy in my ear”.

    So Jon leans over and whispers “Shit”.

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  • At Least He Let Go of Ol Zeek

    Here in Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge–into the wind he goes!

    Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Hicks were sittin’ on the porch swing talkin’ bout the good ol’ days when Maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen!

    “Look at the size of that bird, Paw!” she exclaims.

    Paw raises up, “Git my gun, Maw.”

    She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun.

    He takes careful aim. BANG…BANG…..BANG…..BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

    “I think ya missed him, Paw,” she says.

    “Yeah,” he replies, “but at least he let go of ol’ Zeek!”

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  • Where Does You Go to School

    A University of Alabama football player was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, “Where does you go to school?”

    The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question.

    “Yale,” she replied.

    The UA student took a big, deep breath and shouted, “WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?”

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  • Shaking Like a Crack Whore

    Sometimes at the office, my co-worker tells me I drink too much coffee and makes fun of me by saying I’m “shaking like a crack whore.” Good thing she doesn’t know what I do in my off-hours.

  • Mine Does

    Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Anne get drunk in a bar and end up shagging a couple of rednecks in the car park.

    Halfway through, Sister Anne repents and shouts, “Forgive him, Father, for he knows not what he does,” to which Sister Mary replies, “Mine does”.

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  • Dinosaurs Died Before Fried Chicken

    Sometimes when I eat fried chicken, I tear into it and pretend I’m some kind of prehistoric dinosaur making a kill. But then I realize that it’s pretty silly because dinosaurs all died long before fried chicken ever walked the earth.

  • Wait Till You Graduate From High School

    Bubba from the lower valley decided he wanted to get married, and brought up the subject with his Ma and Pa over grits and gravy the other night.

    “Bubba,” Ma said, “you can’t get married yet. Why, you’re the baby of the family.”

    “But Ma,” Bubba protested, “I had my 38th birthday jest last week.”

    “We know that, Bubba,” Pa chimed in. “But your Ma and me think you should put off getting married until after you graduate from high school.”

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  • Hey Yall Hold My Beer and Watch This

    The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto maker for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

    They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, S—!”

    Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, hold my beer and watch this!”

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