Format: anecdotal

Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Freddo’s Magical Tongue Gets the Girl

    This guy walks into a bar carrying a shoe box, and proceeds to sit down and places the box on the bar. As the night rolls on and a beauty sits next to him he can’t help but notice her curiosity with the box. So after a while he asks her if she would like to receive the best tongue sex of her life.

    She eagerly accepts, but the guy tells her it is to be from his pet frog Freddo. By this time the beauty is getting pretty tipsy and insists on seeing the frog first. So the guy gets him out and presses just behind the jaw of the frog to make him flop his tongue out. At the sight of the size of the tongue the beauty can’t wait and just about tears the guy’s arm off getting him and the frog to her apartment, where she immediately undresses and lays spread eagle on the bed awaiting Freddo and his tongue.

    The guy places Freddo between her legs and repeats “lick-her” several times. A few minutes pass and nothing, he repeats “lick-her”, still no response from Freddo.

    Before the beauty can complain again, the guy picks up Freddo and says, “This is the last time I show you how this is done!”

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  • Rhyme for Statute of Limitations

    The imagery and emotion in my poems has been inspired by my life as a solitary traveler — the long, lonely road, the ever-distant horizon, my yearning to return home. I just wish I could come up with a rhyme for “statute of limitations.”

  • Toilet-Training Transferability

    As I watched my two-year-old drag his naked bottom across the carpet, I realized that perhaps I overestimated the transferability of the toilet-training skills I had initially honed with our puppies.

  • When Hunger Beats Romance Every Single Time

    I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend’s wife came out to feed them.

    The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I stood there thinking to myself, “Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry.”

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  • Long Distance Love’s Texting Troubles

    Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

    As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.

    He didn’t take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

    So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend’s unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, “I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone.”

    Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but, even more, so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

    He wrote on the back of the photo the following, “Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money! I’m getting pretty desperate!” and mailed the picture to her parents.

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  • Future Racecar Driver

    The way my four-year-old really gets into steering when we’re in the car makes me think he might grow up to be a professional racecar driver. And to think I originally just needed him to sit in my lap and take the wheel while I reached back for another beer.

  • Dead Pussy Bus Ride Misunderstanding

    An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, “I have a dead pussy.”

    The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, “Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.”

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  • Front Hole Happiness

    A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love, she stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes and accidentally let out a big fart. She looked up, smiled at him, and said:

    “Excuse please… Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud.”

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  • Baby Worried About Lost Teeth

    Little Jenny came home from school one day and she ran straight to the bathroom and started to cry. Her mother, concerned about her went in and asked what was wrong.

    “Well,” replied Jenny, “we just learned in health class that the baby comes out where the boy’s penis goes in. Is that true?”

    “Sure honey, but that’s nothing to cry about,” said her mother.

    Then Jenny replied, “But when I have Johnny’s baby, I’m afraid it’ll knock out a few of my teeth!”

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  • Bob Peters’ Unfortunate Barbershop Visit

    A man was looking all over town to find a friend of his. He walked down the street and came to a barber shop. He stuck his head inside and asked, “Bob Peters here?”

    The barber replied, “Nah, we just do shaves and haircuts.”

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