Format: anecdotal

Anecdotal comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Don’t Worry, It’s Just the Drums!

    The Drums, the Drums!

    Two intrepid explorers are navigating up a remote river in Africa with the assistance of some native bearers.

    The first night, around the fire, the sound of drums can be heard in the distance. The explorers are clearly discomfited by the sound, but the natives tell them to relax—it’s not a big deal.

    The following night, the drums can be heard again, only much closer and louder. The explorers think this can’t be good and are visibly shaken. Again, the bearers tell them to calm down, that the drums are harmless.

    The third night, the drums are louder still, and the explorers are barely keeping it together. Suddenly…the drums stop.

    Now it is the bearers who are quaking, trembling in terror. When the explorers ask them the reason for this, the leader says, in a quavering voice,

    “Very bad! When drums stop, bass solo begins!”

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  • It definitely wouldn’t be this one

    I saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot.

    He noticed me looking at him and said, “He’s mine. I’m not stealing him or anything.”

    Before I could reply, he added, “If I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn’t be this asshole.”

  • Subway Revelation: A Lengthy Mistake!

    Two things happened today.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    First, I learned that my penis is not as long as a 6-inch sub from Subway.

    Second, I was banned from my local Subway shortly after this revelation.

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  • Bike Wrecks and Whiskey Checks!

    I rode my bicycle to buy alcohol.

    I bought a whiskey and was about to ride home, but I thought, what if I fall off my bike and the bottle breaks?

    I decided then and there I’d drink it all up before I rode home. Good thing I did, because I fell off my bicycle seven times.

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  • Family Ties on His Final Goodbye

    An elderly Jewish man is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers, “Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?”

    And Sarah says, “Yes, I am here.”

    He then says, “Are my children—my wonderful children—here with me?”

    And they reply, “Yes, Father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last.”

    And he says, “And my beautiful grandchildren… are they here with me as well?”

    And they too tell him that they are here.

    The old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, “If everybody is here… why is the light on in the kitchen?”

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  • The third couldn’t reach

    Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park when a man ran up and flashed them.
    Two of the nuns had a stroke. The third couldn’t reach.

  • Show it your cross

    Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village when suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush.

    The first nun screams to her friend, “Quick, show it your cross!”

    “Get the fuck out of the way!” she yells.

  • Best wingman ever

    I asked my best friend to be my wingman and boast about me while I was talking to a girl I like.
    It backfired horribly when he told her I’m the best sex he ever had.

  • Well, that didn’t work

    My wife and I were discussing our eventual deaths…

    I said my worst fear was dying alone, and that I wanted the last thing I hear to be her telling me she loves me.

    She gave me a big hug, said, “I love you,” and then waited.

    After a couple of seconds, she shook her head and said, “Well, that didn’t work.”

  • Big steps

    There was a safety meeting at work today…
    They asked me, “What steps would you take in case of a fire?”

    “Big fucking steps.”

    Evidently, that was NOT the answer.