Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Psychology at the Bar: Unexpected Reactions

    A good-looking young guy watches an attractive woman at a bar for some time, then approaches her in a quiet, shy manner and suggests they sit together, chat, and have a drink.

    The woman exclaims loudly, “I’m not sleeping with you! Get lost!”

    The guy, completely embarrassed, returns to his seat.

    After a while, the woman approaches him, smiles sweetly, apologizes for being rude, and explains that she’s studying psychology and wanted to see how people behave in these types of situations. Now she’d be happy to have a drink and chat with him.

    To which the guy shouts loudly, “Five hundred dollars? Get lost, slut!”

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  • Hammering Home the Ethics

    After attending ethics training, Bob went up to his boss.

    “Boss,” he said, “that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.”

    The boss replied, “But Bob, this is an accepted practice, and many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”

    Bob responded, “Yeah, but we make hammers!”

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  • One Hour of Pleasure, Lifetime of Questions!

    So it’s the first day of college, and the girls are finishing orientation with the Dean of Women.

    “In conclusion, ladies, if you get pregnant, you’ll likely have to drop out and miss out on many of your dreams. Think about it: is that one hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of commitment?”

    “Now,” the dean says, “are there any questions?”

    “Yeah,” says a voice from the back. “How do you make them last an hour?”

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  • Gift Strategies: Diamonds vs. Dildos!

    A rich man and a poor man are discussing their wive’s birthday gifts.

    The rich man says, “I think this year I’m going to get my wife a diamond ring and a brand-new Mercedes.”

    The poor man asks, “Why two gifts?”

    “That way,” the rich man says, “if she doesn’t like the ring, she can return it in her new car and still be happy. How about you, what will you get your wife?”

    The poor man looks at him and says, “You know what, I’m going to get my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way, if she doesn’t like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.”

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  • Comfort in Comedy: The Elderly’s Wit

    An elderly Jewish man is walking down the street when he sudden slips and falls.

    People rush to help him, with one passer by rolling up his own coat to cradle the elderly Jewish man’s head.

    “Sir,” the man says. “We’re calling an ambulance. Are you comfortable?”

    The elderly Jewish man gives a weak shrug and says: “Eh. I make a living.”

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  • Zipped Up and Trucked Down!

    I forgot to zip my pants today, so a lady politely told me, “Sir, your garage is open.”

    I zipped them up and asked, “Did you see my monster truck parked inside?”

    The lady smiled and said, “No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires…”

    I’m still crying.

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  • Dino Bones: Age is Just a Number

    Some tourists at the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, “Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”

    The guard replies, “They are 73 million, four years, and six months old.”

    “That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”

    The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”

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  • From Struggles to Luxury: A Comedic Take

    A guy says to his shrink, “Before I got involved with drugs I had a loving family, a nice house and a decent car.”

    The shrink says, “And now?”

    The guy says, “Now I also have a private jet and a yacht.”

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  • Sell Drugs or Sell Logic: The Choice!

    Two drug dealers are given a chance by a judge to avoid prison…

    ​The judge tells them, “You guys don’t look like hardened criminals. I’ll give you a deal: I’m releasing you for 24 hours. Your job is to go out and convince as many people as possible to quit using drugs. If you’re successful, I’ll drop the charges. Come back tomorrow and report your numbers.”

    The next day, the first guy says, “Your Honor, I got 14 people to quit! I drew two circles: a big one and a tiny one. I told them the big one was their brain before drugs, and the tiny one was their brain after drugs.”

    The judge is impressed. He turns to the second guy. “And you?”

    “I got 165 people to quit, sir!”

    The judge is stunned. “165?! Did you use the same ‘brain’ circles?”

    “Sort of,” the guy says. “I pointed to the tiny circle and said, ‘Listen up, boys… this is what your asshole looks like before you go to prison.’”

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  • Vices and Life: A Deadly Decision

    Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain-smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”

    The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.

    The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself! . His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.

    No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

    His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

    The homosexual looked at the chain-smoker and said,

    “You know if you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead!”

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