A golfer tees up his ball on the first tee, takes a mighty swing, and hits the ball into a clump of trees.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosFormat: narrative
Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
The Helpful Teacher at the Racetrack
Two elementary school teachers took their students to a racetrack.
During a bathroom break, one of the teachers took the boys to the restroom. Outside, one of the boys yelled, “Ma’am, we can’t reach the urinals!”
Out of options, the teacher went inside and lifted the boys up one by one. When she picked up the fourth boy, she was shocked to see he was incredibly well-endowed for an elementary schooler.
Trying to act natural, she smiled and guessed, “Wow, you must be in third grade, right?”
The guy looked confused and replied, “No, ma’am… I’m the jockey riding the favorite in the next race. Thanks for the lift, though.”
-
Satan Meets His Match in Church
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked.
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
“Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” asked Satan.
“Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone.
“Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY… for all eternity?” persisted Satan.
“Yep,” was the calm reply.
“And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan.
“Nope.”
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?!”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for the last 48 years.”
-
Two Irishmen at Sea
Two Irishmen lost at sea — they’d been out there for quite a few days, dehydrated and parched from the sun. They’re just watching the waves, trying to spot land, when one of them looks down and a bottle floats by.
Without even thinking, he grabs the bottle and wipes the label to see what it is, and all of a sudden a genie pops out and says, “You’ve released me from my prison, so I’m going to grant you just one wish — no more, no less!”
So the Irishman, without thinking it through, shouts, “Turn the entire ocean into a big vat of Guinness!”
The genie says, “Your wish is my command,” and turns the entire ocean into Guinness.
The second Irishman screams at the top of his lungs, “NO YOU IDIOT!!!! Now we have to piss in the boat!”
-
The Wheelbarrow Bet
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man,” the young man replied. “Let’s see what you got.”
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”
-
What Would Tiger Do
A couple were on their honeymoon.
Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband:
“I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one other guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” says the wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“What are you doing?” she says.
The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.”
The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time.
When they finish he’s tired and beat.
He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this hole.”
